The Divine Comedy of Friendly Cab (Or, How I Turned A 1-Star Rating To A 4)
It all started on a quiet Friday afternoon. Lounging in Travis' room, we were in the process of discussing details about the movie we're currently working on. Specifically, a scene involving a taxi. Now, Travis wanted to rent a taxi and driver for use in the film while I expressed doubts as to the viability of said actions. "Why not," said Travis, "look up a taxi company and see if we can make it happen anyway?" And so off we went, Travis, Andrew and I, to Yahoo Local Search. We looked at the list of taxi companies in Alameda, and after making a couple calls found a company that could prove promising in this endeavor.
We also found a delightful company by the name of Friendly Cab.
Now by delightful I of course mean horrible. Friendly Cab is easily the most inaccurate name for the company imaginable, as they are neither friendly, nor, in my experience with them, do they actually show up with a cab. The reviews on the site reflected my exact experience four times over. That is, until I decided to have a little fun.
The company had a rating of one star, with a negative review prominently displayed on the preview blurb. I had three objectives; raise the rating to at least 4 stars, get the nasty review off the preview, and push all the nasty reviews to a second page that would most likely never be read.
My first character would have to be believable - to a point. He couldn't be over the top, he just had to say the exact opposite of whatever anyone else said about this company in such a way that wouldn't attract attention. Taxiconnoisseur was born:
I know I will.
For my second character, I just wanted as large a contrast as possible to the first character. Namely, an all-out assault on the English language. If Taxiconnoisseur is from Alameda, then Hotforcabs97 is definitely from Oakland:
Rey holla bak
From this point, I felt I could get a little more flexible. So I decided that not only should the next character, Dirk Ferryvoyager, be from across the pond, but he should also rant endlessly about a topic that has nothing to do with the services rendered by Friendly Cab:
In this so-called free country.
It occurred to me by this point in time that all my characters were in their twenties; specifically, they all had birthdays no more than a day or two away from my own - you know, to avert suspicion. So our next character, Modeltluvr, is at the modest age of 107:
Before I used Friendly Taxi, my life was a lie.
And now for the pièce de résistance, I decided to inject a little star power - or at least, the half-assed attempt of star power to hide itself. Thus was born Gel Mibson, an actor of Australian descent who's just looking for someplace to vent:
I was thinking of pitching my tent right next to the weapons of mass destruction.
That's an actual quote, by the way. At this point, I think I've accomplished my goals.
Let's see, rating improved and front page negativity covered up?
Check.
All negative reviews pushed to a second page where they will never ever ever be read?
Well, see for yourself.
Anyhow, I hope that that was as fun to read as it was to make. It was certainly good for a laugh at the time.
We also found a delightful company by the name of Friendly Cab.
Now by delightful I of course mean horrible. Friendly Cab is easily the most inaccurate name for the company imaginable, as they are neither friendly, nor, in my experience with them, do they actually show up with a cab. The reviews on the site reflected my exact experience four times over. That is, until I decided to have a little fun.
The company had a rating of one star, with a negative review prominently displayed on the preview blurb. I had three objectives; raise the rating to at least 4 stars, get the nasty review off the preview, and push all the nasty reviews to a second page that would most likely never be read.
My first character would have to be believable - to a point. He couldn't be over the top, he just had to say the exact opposite of whatever anyone else said about this company in such a way that wouldn't attract attention. Taxiconnoisseur was born:
I know I will.
For my second character, I just wanted as large a contrast as possible to the first character. Namely, an all-out assault on the English language. If Taxiconnoisseur is from Alameda, then Hotforcabs97 is definitely from Oakland:
Rey holla bak
From this point, I felt I could get a little more flexible. So I decided that not only should the next character, Dirk Ferryvoyager, be from across the pond, but he should also rant endlessly about a topic that has nothing to do with the services rendered by Friendly Cab:
In this so-called free country.
It occurred to me by this point in time that all my characters were in their twenties; specifically, they all had birthdays no more than a day or two away from my own - you know, to avert suspicion. So our next character, Modeltluvr, is at the modest age of 107:
Before I used Friendly Taxi, my life was a lie.
And now for the pièce de résistance, I decided to inject a little star power - or at least, the half-assed attempt of star power to hide itself. Thus was born Gel Mibson, an actor of Australian descent who's just looking for someplace to vent:
I was thinking of pitching my tent right next to the weapons of mass destruction.
That's an actual quote, by the way. At this point, I think I've accomplished my goals.
Let's see, rating improved and front page negativity covered up?
Check.
All negative reviews pushed to a second page where they will never ever ever be read?
Well, see for yourself.
Anyhow, I hope that that was as fun to read as it was to make. It was certainly good for a laugh at the time.
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