Exactly Where I'm At
So I mentioned a little while back that I was going to do an entry. Well, normally these kind of entries are placed at my other site, but seeing as how I said I'd do one here, I may as well kill two birds with one stone.
I can't really think of any other way to start this entry other than saying simply, that I'm content. The holiday came and went, but even far before that, I had been taking some time to think about my life and where I had been, where I was presently, and where I was headed. In the end, I realized that my life has, in a sense, been pretty blessed. Don't worry, I'm not about to profess my newfound belief in "The Almighty" (since I still have issues with the whole religion thing), but it's hard not to think about my life without imagining that luck has played a small role in who I am and how I ended up.
Since the day I was born, I've been smothered with love from my family and especially my mother, and I can't ever remember truly feeling as though I were alone. There were some angst ridden teen years to be sure, but throughout it all, I had a great family and great group of friends to constantly support me. I've found my soul mate, something that many people can never do in their lifetimes (though there's always the next), and consequently, I now have one of the best friends that any person could ever have. Furthermore, I've never been anyone other than myself, and I've found a fairly generous amount of great friends who mean more to me than the world. They all do so much for me and are so willing to do so much for me that it makes my heart swell just to think about it. I go to sleep every night with a roof over my head, and I never have to worry about how tomorrow will be because I always know that whatever may come, I'll make it through like I always have.
So what's the point? Well, everyday, people all over the world type into these online journals or into journals and diaries made of paper and binding (what a concept). They write about a wide variety of things, but quite often, especially among the younger people, they write about hardship. They're writing about what someone did to them, or about how crappy school or their jobs are, and their bitching about everything that's wrong with their life. It happens outside the world of written or typed text as well. The minute something less than satisfactory happens, people somehow manage to perceive themselves as unlucky or as conductors for all the terrible luck in the world. It plagues their thoughts and drags down their spirit, and in turn, makes it harder for them to pull themselves up. This is generalizing of course, and not everyone does this, but it leads to my point: a person is much more likely to acknowledge everything that's wrong instead of taking a second to see just what's right.
It's certainly not my intention to brag about how great my life is, but on the other hand, I think these journals or blogs often get a little more negativity than positive points. I guess I just wanted to acknowledge that my life is certainly a good one by comparison, since I've never really believed in taking anything for granted. This of course, is by no means intended to undermine people who express their dislike for their own lives, but rather to show (I suppose) that not everyone's lives are always stories filled with pain or melancholy. Or maybe I just felt like saying it, who knows?
Jennifer was the last girl I had any major interest in. I know that may seem like a pretty random thought, but it's something else I've felt like writing about for a while now. It was certainly fun while it lasted, and I wonder if she'll ever take an interest in being my friend again. It's strange, but I can't think of a single thing about my relationship with Jennifer that I can walk away with. I think Dante once mentioned that he didn't like thinking of girls as just "phases" or "lessons" in his life. I'm not sure exactly what he meant by that, but I know that I usually feel good walking away from any kind of experience feeling as though I've learned or better understood something. Thinking of Jennifer though just draws a blank. I don't really need any closure at this point, since I've pretty much had to get over a very ambiguous relationship, but to hear how she felt the whole time, and why she suddenly decided I wasn't really important to her anymore, would certainly be a welcome truth. No matter how much it may hurt sometimes, the truth will set you free after all, and I had some pretty strong feelings for her.
As a little side note, I find it odd that she was the only girl I ever dreamed about. What was stranger for my dream pattern was that they weren't the kind of dreams one might expect to have about a girl they like (not that I get many of those dreams anyway). Instead, they were all much more "awake". We did things I wished we could do, like simply hanging out and talking, and in my most recent dream, talking about just what happened to us (though it solved very little). Anyway, no telling when the next romantic interest may come along, so I guess it's pack to just being patient.
Well, whatever happens next, I got it pretty good here and now. Life's dealing me a good hand, and I'm doing my best not to take it for granted. I feel lucky every time I think about the fact that I'm still here, so hopefully, it'll continue to be a good life I'm living.
That's pretty much...Exactly Where I'm At. (Get it?)
-Black Jack Kidd
I can't really think of any other way to start this entry other than saying simply, that I'm content. The holiday came and went, but even far before that, I had been taking some time to think about my life and where I had been, where I was presently, and where I was headed. In the end, I realized that my life has, in a sense, been pretty blessed. Don't worry, I'm not about to profess my newfound belief in "The Almighty" (since I still have issues with the whole religion thing), but it's hard not to think about my life without imagining that luck has played a small role in who I am and how I ended up.
Since the day I was born, I've been smothered with love from my family and especially my mother, and I can't ever remember truly feeling as though I were alone. There were some angst ridden teen years to be sure, but throughout it all, I had a great family and great group of friends to constantly support me. I've found my soul mate, something that many people can never do in their lifetimes (though there's always the next), and consequently, I now have one of the best friends that any person could ever have. Furthermore, I've never been anyone other than myself, and I've found a fairly generous amount of great friends who mean more to me than the world. They all do so much for me and are so willing to do so much for me that it makes my heart swell just to think about it. I go to sleep every night with a roof over my head, and I never have to worry about how tomorrow will be because I always know that whatever may come, I'll make it through like I always have.
So what's the point? Well, everyday, people all over the world type into these online journals or into journals and diaries made of paper and binding (what a concept). They write about a wide variety of things, but quite often, especially among the younger people, they write about hardship. They're writing about what someone did to them, or about how crappy school or their jobs are, and their bitching about everything that's wrong with their life. It happens outside the world of written or typed text as well. The minute something less than satisfactory happens, people somehow manage to perceive themselves as unlucky or as conductors for all the terrible luck in the world. It plagues their thoughts and drags down their spirit, and in turn, makes it harder for them to pull themselves up. This is generalizing of course, and not everyone does this, but it leads to my point: a person is much more likely to acknowledge everything that's wrong instead of taking a second to see just what's right.
It's certainly not my intention to brag about how great my life is, but on the other hand, I think these journals or blogs often get a little more negativity than positive points. I guess I just wanted to acknowledge that my life is certainly a good one by comparison, since I've never really believed in taking anything for granted. This of course, is by no means intended to undermine people who express their dislike for their own lives, but rather to show (I suppose) that not everyone's lives are always stories filled with pain or melancholy. Or maybe I just felt like saying it, who knows?
Jennifer was the last girl I had any major interest in. I know that may seem like a pretty random thought, but it's something else I've felt like writing about for a while now. It was certainly fun while it lasted, and I wonder if she'll ever take an interest in being my friend again. It's strange, but I can't think of a single thing about my relationship with Jennifer that I can walk away with. I think Dante once mentioned that he didn't like thinking of girls as just "phases" or "lessons" in his life. I'm not sure exactly what he meant by that, but I know that I usually feel good walking away from any kind of experience feeling as though I've learned or better understood something. Thinking of Jennifer though just draws a blank. I don't really need any closure at this point, since I've pretty much had to get over a very ambiguous relationship, but to hear how she felt the whole time, and why she suddenly decided I wasn't really important to her anymore, would certainly be a welcome truth. No matter how much it may hurt sometimes, the truth will set you free after all, and I had some pretty strong feelings for her.
As a little side note, I find it odd that she was the only girl I ever dreamed about. What was stranger for my dream pattern was that they weren't the kind of dreams one might expect to have about a girl they like (not that I get many of those dreams anyway). Instead, they were all much more "awake". We did things I wished we could do, like simply hanging out and talking, and in my most recent dream, talking about just what happened to us (though it solved very little). Anyway, no telling when the next romantic interest may come along, so I guess it's pack to just being patient.
Well, whatever happens next, I got it pretty good here and now. Life's dealing me a good hand, and I'm doing my best not to take it for granted. I feel lucky every time I think about the fact that I'm still here, so hopefully, it'll continue to be a good life I'm living.
That's pretty much...Exactly Where I'm At. (Get it?)
-Black Jack Kidd
Comments