Little Post

I'm not sure what it is, but this year certainly has a different feel to it. For starters, just not having Brian around is a really bizarre feeling, and only serves as a reminder that we're just around the corner from graduating ourselves. He was only gone for 2 weeks and in a weird way, it almost felt as though we had lost touch, despite his being only about an hour and half away. I know how determined we all are to make sure we stay in touch after high school, and given the quality of our friendship, there's little doubt in my mind that we will. However, that does little to deter the fact that it feels as though something really amazing and beautiful is coming to an end.

By now, I've had many discussions with numerous people and yeah, the truth is that the prospect of growing up is really scary. To me, growing up isn't about changing as a person, at least, not completely. It's more about gaining experiences and staying the person you always were, but with new outlooks on the different aspects of life, and if you want to look at that as changing as a person, that's fine, but I stand by my opinion. Anyway, what scares me the most is the prospect of losing familiarity. Once I graduate, I don't have to do anything. The world is suddenly a lot bigger, and there's no longer a worn road to walk on, just an open field with the horizon in all directions.

The truth is, I don't fear failure, since I know I have too many friends and family to rely on for support, and since learning from past mistakes has been an integral part of my life thus far. Still, that doesn't stop the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that comes with knowing that now, the decisions are all your own, and it's up to you to choose your own path. The best I can do is follow my heart and have faith that by doing so, I'll wind up where I want to be one day.

That's about all I have to say about that. This is the kind of thing I'd rather discuss with another person instead of pondering it alone, lest I end up in a more thoughtful and sleep depriving state than I'm already in.

I think I say it pretty frequently, so I'm sorry if you get annoyed hearing it, but I really am thankful for you guys. I'm one of the more (openly) emotional people in our crew, so once in a while, I feel the need to just make sure you guys know. Our friendship is a very unique one, and I don't know where I would be without you guys to support and love me. Sorry if I scared anyone using the "L" word.

Donna kutsu o haite temo
Arukeba boku no ashiato
Tachi-tomareba sore made
Boku ga owaru shirushi
One Life

(No matter what shoes I put on,
If I walk, I'll leave footprints
And if they stop some place,
They're the proof that I got that far
One Life)

-One Life by The Pillows

Until next time.

-Black Jack Kidd