Amends
No, my web isn't working yet. That will be awhile. This about two issues that my mind will not allow me to stay quiet about any longer. You see, my emotional side has wrecked the Pacer, and now Daddy Logic has to clean up the mess and pay the insurance fee. First off, the Dalder Incident.
Apparently, Ed and/or Barbara Dalder (parents of the D) have read my site and are not pleased, according to Brian's latest letter. Perhaps I've said something offensive. Perhaps you don't realize that all these posts aren't mine (only the ones that end,"posted by Dante"), and one of my friends have offended you. Regardless, I apologize for any indignation you may have suffered. Dalder is bar none my best friend, and other than you I've been hit the hardest by his trip. If I've said anything hurtful out of malice, I hope you understand that I have not experienced his rage as you have and thus do not understand why he's in Virginia. You are his parents, not me, so if you feel I've undermined your authority at all I assure you it wasn't intentional. Perhaps you fear that I was a bad influence on him, in which case I feel it is only necessary you hear my side of the story. Yes, I went to Island. That's why I was one of the biggest opposers to his idea to go for the GED. If you think I'm the one who suggested he take the easy way out, you are mistaken. I told him he could expect a hard life if he took that route, and my words are proving true. Again I cannot stress enough that as his friend I want to see him succeed almost as much as you. I hope you can understand that I would never, directly or in-, attempt to hamper his potential. He's my best friend.
The next issue, and it is an old one, is with Danielle. I am so sorry that I've been a wishy-washy, back and forth, hating and forgiving jack ass. While you may not fully realize that that was indeed my state, I do, and I am deeply sorry if I caused any sort of hurt. I was extremely critical of your fashion of breaking up with me; that's because I was thinking with my emotions, not my head. I understand now that you didn't like me enough for a relationship, or that you weren't looking for a student, but for someone with more experience. I hoped to learn how to be someone you could be really attached to, but the fact that you lacked or did not desire that capacity is fine. You have to understand that I'm completely in love with the concept of love; when you told me months ago that you wanted to kiss me, I melted. The idea that we could progress to a point, however likely or un-, where our favorite place was in each other's arms was...exhilarating. I've never felt more alive. With that immense feeling of joy to have such a wonderful opportunity came intense fear of messing it all up. I didn't have cotton mouth like I said; I was afraid of being a terrible kisser, or of finding some way to let you down and close the door. I was so afraid of closing the door that I didn't even notice I had kicked out the door wedge and pushed it away from me. I was rigid; I was unaffectionate; I was absolutely terrified. I also apologize that I dumped my Rebecca load on you. It's taken me this long to realize what it is I feel for her. It's not love, not in the conventional sense anyhow. It's pity. When I see her, I see myself in an alternate reality in which I have to live with my Dad. For all our minute differences, we are very much the same, and I wanted to rescue her, and metaphorically myself, from that Hell the only way I knew how: love. You see, I'm a drop-dead, drag out, full blooded romantic, and I will be until the day I die. I realize that of course love isn't perfect, but I will never be able to let myself see it as anything else. I don't love her; I just want her desperately to be happy. I guess I thought if she was happy then I would be happy. But she will never be happy with me. I finally understand that. I also apologize if you feel this violates your privacy at all. I hate keeping feelings to myself; that trait and Oxie's persuasion is why this site exists in the first place. For better or worse, these are my feelings and opinions, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so lucky to live in this time and know all of you. I really feel that no matter how my life goes from here on out, someone up their likes me. And that's the best feeling in the world.
Apparently, Ed and/or Barbara Dalder (parents of the D) have read my site and are not pleased, according to Brian's latest letter. Perhaps I've said something offensive. Perhaps you don't realize that all these posts aren't mine (only the ones that end,"posted by Dante"), and one of my friends have offended you. Regardless, I apologize for any indignation you may have suffered. Dalder is bar none my best friend, and other than you I've been hit the hardest by his trip. If I've said anything hurtful out of malice, I hope you understand that I have not experienced his rage as you have and thus do not understand why he's in Virginia. You are his parents, not me, so if you feel I've undermined your authority at all I assure you it wasn't intentional. Perhaps you fear that I was a bad influence on him, in which case I feel it is only necessary you hear my side of the story. Yes, I went to Island. That's why I was one of the biggest opposers to his idea to go for the GED. If you think I'm the one who suggested he take the easy way out, you are mistaken. I told him he could expect a hard life if he took that route, and my words are proving true. Again I cannot stress enough that as his friend I want to see him succeed almost as much as you. I hope you can understand that I would never, directly or in-, attempt to hamper his potential. He's my best friend.
The next issue, and it is an old one, is with Danielle. I am so sorry that I've been a wishy-washy, back and forth, hating and forgiving jack ass. While you may not fully realize that that was indeed my state, I do, and I am deeply sorry if I caused any sort of hurt. I was extremely critical of your fashion of breaking up with me; that's because I was thinking with my emotions, not my head. I understand now that you didn't like me enough for a relationship, or that you weren't looking for a student, but for someone with more experience. I hoped to learn how to be someone you could be really attached to, but the fact that you lacked or did not desire that capacity is fine. You have to understand that I'm completely in love with the concept of love; when you told me months ago that you wanted to kiss me, I melted. The idea that we could progress to a point, however likely or un-, where our favorite place was in each other's arms was...exhilarating. I've never felt more alive. With that immense feeling of joy to have such a wonderful opportunity came intense fear of messing it all up. I didn't have cotton mouth like I said; I was afraid of being a terrible kisser, or of finding some way to let you down and close the door. I was so afraid of closing the door that I didn't even notice I had kicked out the door wedge and pushed it away from me. I was rigid; I was unaffectionate; I was absolutely terrified. I also apologize that I dumped my Rebecca load on you. It's taken me this long to realize what it is I feel for her. It's not love, not in the conventional sense anyhow. It's pity. When I see her, I see myself in an alternate reality in which I have to live with my Dad. For all our minute differences, we are very much the same, and I wanted to rescue her, and metaphorically myself, from that Hell the only way I knew how: love. You see, I'm a drop-dead, drag out, full blooded romantic, and I will be until the day I die. I realize that of course love isn't perfect, but I will never be able to let myself see it as anything else. I don't love her; I just want her desperately to be happy. I guess I thought if she was happy then I would be happy. But she will never be happy with me. I finally understand that. I also apologize if you feel this violates your privacy at all. I hate keeping feelings to myself; that trait and Oxie's persuasion is why this site exists in the first place. For better or worse, these are my feelings and opinions, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so lucky to live in this time and know all of you. I really feel that no matter how my life goes from here on out, someone up their likes me. And that's the best feeling in the world.
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