Michael Jackson As Remembered by Pat from Moonachie

Courtesy of Pat's Twitter

Michael Jackson's Dead ...CANCEL THE AMBER ALERT!


"Inaction Jackson"

We're gonna need a Grave-*igger!

"The King Of Heart-Stop!"

His coffin will have Uncle Paul Bearers!

"Michael Jackson: From Moon-Walking To Dirt-Napping!"

"The King Of Rot!"

"I guess God need another white woman today!"


Honorable mention of a Danny line:

I wonder what kind of 'mortis' he has...



He's been dead for less than a fucking day.

Some of my own lines to my coworkers:

"I guess God needed a child toucher."

"I heard his heart really "Beat It"! Get it???" (My coworker wanted to hit me with her car for the corniness of this one)

"Does God need a newly-useless wig AND a defective pedophile heart today?"

Seriously though, could we stop pretending that this guy isn't a pedo just because he's dead? I get that he made Thriller. He also finger popped 12 year old boys. Let's not lose sight of that.

Comments

Lucio said…
"I guess the doggone girl is Paul's."

That's all I got.

I'm always a bit torn when you post these things, and confused by your enthusiasm. I agree that it's silly for jokes to be "too soon", but the bottom line is that most of the "too soon" jokes just aren't very funny, and they're almost never witty.
5:59 PM
Bryan said…
Oh of course they aren't. It's the junk food of comedy, it relies on the timing to be funny. None of this shit will be funny when it's safe. Except for the Uncle Paul-bearers, that shit will make me laugh forever. I don't know that enthusiasm is the right word so much as I just enjoy striking while the iron is hot for the sake of being contrary.
7:37 PM
Bryan said…
My grandmother spent her whole life fighting for all sorts of causes and she died of brain cancer at 45. Guess how many people said "Awwww!" when she died. It's fucking false and it annoys me. And 75% of people will be total hacks and quote Chappelle like they are clever. Just stop it. You don't give a shit that he's dead.
7:39 PM
Bryan said…
Fucking shortass comment form, what the fuck. Half my post is gone. My point is that no one actually is affected by this. We just need to look sympathetic to everyone else. It's pure selfishness. You know who is legitimately upset? Family and artists who were inspired by him. That's IT. No one you know has a personal connection to him, but everyone wants to now that he's dead.
7:40 PM
Bryan said…
It's just like the people who after 9/11 said, "That could have been me on the plane." Except they never have flown in a plane, ever. It's fucking annoying and this is how I respond, by throwing mud like a child.
7:42 PM
Bryan said…
Also, and I feel like this is too important for a footnote, HE MOLESTED CHILDREN.
7:43 PM
Travis said…
BJ shut up
9:53 PM
Travis said…
We get no more albums. it's about the music.

youve made this a zero percent issue about music and it's a one hundred percent issue about music. We don't have to be edgy n shit as a way of coping with news like this. Bottom line is he died at 50 and he can't contribute any longer.

I don't care he touched children I know he's a creep.
9:56 PM
Anonymous said…
I agree with Travis.
1:12 AM
Bryan said…
Michael Jackson hasn't made good music in a long ass time.
1:16 AM
Bryan said…
I would agree with you if this was 1985 but it isn't. He was CLEARLY done with his music career in regards to caliber of quality. He's been famous for being a creepy anime character for 15 years. There was nothing worth holding your breath for left in him. And that's fine, he already did a bunch of great albums. But don't act like there was another one in the chamber. He already lived through his era of greatness.
8:06 AM
matt said…
i agree with trav and alyssa. bj, shut up
9:22 AM
Bryan said…
Kiss my ass. I don't fucking care if he made Thriller. He also fucked around with kids. And now they're saying he died of a drug overdose. We all lost what we know as Michael Jackson a little while after Bad came out, and that was 7 months after I was born. You CANNOT get me to sympathize with a pedo drug addict. Music or fucking not.
9:28 AM
matt said…
we're not trying to get you to sympathize, we're trying to get you to shut the fuck up. the rest of us don't fucking agree and we don't want to hear it.
11:56 AM
Bryan said…
Then don't read my fucking website. Because this is where I post what I think.
12:34 PM
Travis said…
you weren't thinking
1:08 PM
Bryan said…
Why? Because I don't agree with you?
1:10 PM
Travis said…
Yeah sure fine
1:25 PM
Bryan said…
I hope you guys defend me this much when I make a billion dollars and inappropriately touch my children.
1:39 PM
matt said…
all you do is complain about us not reading or posting or your site, can you figure out why? and you aren't presenting any of this as your opinion, your making it sound like the fucking word of god. and if we disagree with you, we're wrong. enjoy your site.
5:32 PM
Bryan said…
BOOHOO I don't feel bad about Michael Jackson. Why are you so butthurt about this? Do you get that no one actually cares? Maybe you should click some of the links above instead of menstruating all over everything like a girl. This site is red enough.
5:41 PM
Travis said…
i dont think anybody is really butthurt over this. honestly.

i just think the problem with the post is that one, we all know what and who he was to music(and you have to recognize his contributions past the ones in the late eighties, I mean c'mon). Secondly if you do even a little bit of digging into how he was with his friends, charities, and family, youll find theres another side of micheal jackson people really treaure. And thirdly, your post wasn't funny, which disarms the only thing it really was, which was edgy. And it's not that it isnt funny because it's about MJ, the little puns n shit just weren't funny. So then what do we have left? It's not funny so its trying to be edgy, and it's not, so now were just making fun of a dead guy.

Oh and i know he likes boys and in a lot of ways is a man child. All the geniuses were bizzare as shit. i know i know i know
6:52 PM
Bryan said…
I didn't make the jokes, I just laughed at them. And not because they were clever (they really aren't, as I said above) because they're just mean. And unnecessarily so. And while everyone is carrying on about how the music world is forever changed, I honestly can say I just don't care. And most people won't a week from now, a month, a year. It's just another thing that happened.

Now click the 911 audio because I am interested to hear your thoughts.
7:24 PM
Travis said…
okay.

also i just wanted to say that I don't ever want to hear the phrase "finger popped" ever again.
8:17 PM
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