The Quotable Ron Bennington
"See here’s the thing. This always helps with women. I probably shouldn’t even tell you, but when you’re a coke dealer it just seems like it sets up a whole thing with a certain girl. A certain girl is like, “Hey look at him, he’s a coke dealer. I bet if I go home with him…I could do some coke!” And then what you do is get her a couple rails in and go like this, “That may or may not be the end of the coke. What you just had was my friendly coke…this is my fuckable coke, over here. You-are we breaking into the fuckable coke? ‘Cause I want to know it right now. I’m not tapping into the fuckable coke unless it’s all happening.” Now Mike, that goes to show, you can still be a nice guy and get women."
"That's the weirdest fuckin' thing, though, I mean you just feel like you're partyin' and then you're just fuckin' finally "I'm gonna take a nap… I don’t know. If I drift off to sleep, chances are I ain’t wakin’ up.” And how is that considered partying, at that fuckin’ point? When you’re thinkin’ to yourself, “I don’t think I’m gonna wake up from this one.” I remember wakin’ up from one before and going like this: “You have got to fuckin’ be kiddin’ me. I must be the Terminator. I must be unable to die.” That Florida is one dark fuckin’ place, for all the sun they have… it could not be darker."
"I would never stop screaming if I was blind.... You would know when I woke up because you would just hear, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!""
"But never in life do we laugh when women get hit in the vagina. I don't even crack a smile when a woman gets hit in the vagina, unless it's with my face."
"If I'm going to hang out with another man, there had better be at least a case of beer to split. And we better be drawing up plans to rip off somebody's house."
"No man likes being a grandpa. When he sees a child coming at him it is like looking at a tombstone."
"There are two things that women like: little tiny babies and castrating men."
"The only time I use condoms is on a bus trip. Too lazy to get on and off to take a piss. I pee in the condom and toss it out the window."
"My Mom is a vet. She was a journalist and killed 14 Germans with a bayonet. It was in 1987. And by Germans, I mean in German Town, PA. And it wasn't a bayonet, it was a hatchet."
"The last time I saw my folks, I had a high school graduation cap on...... I sent 'em a post card once that said, 'can you send me my boots? It's been a while.. love to see them again though. Think they're still alive.'"
Pepper: "My girlfriend says 'whatevs.'"
Ron: "I would drown her like a puppy. "
Ron: "If I'm cut off from the world, look at who I'm in here with. Look at these two. I want you guys to say 'We're all that Ron has.'"
Fez & Dave (in unison): "We're all that Ron has."
Ron: "Imagine how disappointing that would be."
"A chocolate eclair is God's way of saying, "Look, I'm not mean all the time.""
"I wouldn't confide in you because you're worthless. It'd be like talking to a fire extinguisher."
"I was in second grade and asked for a knife. They asked why? I said none of your business. Just give me the fucking knife."
Caller: "I named him Sean James Earl Ray Bradley."
Ron: "Cute...I'll just call him Shooter."
"That's the weirdest fuckin' thing, though, I mean you just feel like you're partyin' and then you're just fuckin' finally "I'm gonna take a nap… I don’t know. If I drift off to sleep, chances are I ain’t wakin’ up.” And how is that considered partying, at that fuckin’ point? When you’re thinkin’ to yourself, “I don’t think I’m gonna wake up from this one.” I remember wakin’ up from one before and going like this: “You have got to fuckin’ be kiddin’ me. I must be the Terminator. I must be unable to die.” That Florida is one dark fuckin’ place, for all the sun they have… it could not be darker."
"I would never stop screaming if I was blind.... You would know when I woke up because you would just hear, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!""
"But never in life do we laugh when women get hit in the vagina. I don't even crack a smile when a woman gets hit in the vagina, unless it's with my face."
"If I'm going to hang out with another man, there had better be at least a case of beer to split. And we better be drawing up plans to rip off somebody's house."
"No man likes being a grandpa. When he sees a child coming at him it is like looking at a tombstone."
"There are two things that women like: little tiny babies and castrating men."
"The only time I use condoms is on a bus trip. Too lazy to get on and off to take a piss. I pee in the condom and toss it out the window."
"My Mom is a vet. She was a journalist and killed 14 Germans with a bayonet. It was in 1987. And by Germans, I mean in German Town, PA. And it wasn't a bayonet, it was a hatchet."
"The last time I saw my folks, I had a high school graduation cap on...... I sent 'em a post card once that said, 'can you send me my boots? It's been a while.. love to see them again though. Think they're still alive.'"
Pepper: "My girlfriend says 'whatevs.'"
Ron: "I would drown her like a puppy. "
Ron: "If I'm cut off from the world, look at who I'm in here with. Look at these two. I want you guys to say 'We're all that Ron has.'"
Fez & Dave (in unison): "We're all that Ron has."
Ron: "Imagine how disappointing that would be."
"A chocolate eclair is God's way of saying, "Look, I'm not mean all the time.""
"I wouldn't confide in you because you're worthless. It'd be like talking to a fire extinguisher."
"I was in second grade and asked for a knife. They asked why? I said none of your business. Just give me the fucking knife."
Caller: "I named him Sean James Earl Ray Bradley."
Ron: "Cute...I'll just call him Shooter."
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