My Take
This all just feels completely blown out of proportion. Especially after sitting down and talking with BJ I realize how unwarranted a lot of this drama is. But I understand how over-emotional Matt is acting because I've done the same thing over and over. While talking to BJ I really had to stop myself from laughing uncontrollably because all I can see is myself in Matt's actions. At least, a much younger version of myself. Which is why, even now, after all the terrible things said and done, I am not angry with him. I understand him. It makes it very difficult, especially when all of the Bleacher Boys are reeling by his actions.
I can understand why Doug is saying this, it goes past just you BJ. What Doug is essentially saying is that Matt cannot patch things with the others he targeted as "possible friends" (i.e. Andrew, Doug) and expect things to be okay. We already know your friendship with him works and has been for months. But for the others to do the same would be to ignore their ties to the situation, their loyalty to the group, and myself. Everyone feels that the problems between Matt and I are the center of everything and they can't bring themselves to just forget about it so that they can let Matt back into their lives. I feel guilty for this because I really WANT everything to be alright. I think we CAN make it better. There is just so much pride that these boys can't let go of. If they keep being guided by their egos then we're never going to solve things.
BJ you said "...because any chance of that happening is even slimmer than it was before." Does that mean Matt even wanted to solve things? That is something I have heard asked countless times over the past week. No one knows what the fuck Matt wants, even you don't!! It makes everyone that much more uneasy because they are moving blindly. I feel the only way to truly end this (or maybe start the healing??) is to sit down with Matt. But with Matt constantly changing the rules of how we're going to talk it looks like it is never going to happen. Especially if he is forbidding my attendance. I said that I would not go if Olivia wasn't, if all they wanted to talk about was the boy's issues. But now Matt wants one talk with everyone...does that even include me? If not then you can forget about it happening, we can't keep running away from our problems Matt or using childish tactics to drive me away. This all comes down to you and I (and Olivia.) Save for your problems with Travis, nothing can happen without our situation being discussed.
I think I have proven time and time again how backwards I am willing to bend for this situation to be resolved. Even now I feel like we could make this work, we all just need to be mature and reflect on the mistakes we've made. I've wished time and time again that I could disregard you, forget you, but I know it's never really going to happen. If this never gets solved, I know that I tried my best, despite my faults, and for that I hope I never feel regret. I've lost a lot of people in my life, even now I don't speak to half of my family members. But it's never hurt as much as losing you has. I hate that, but it is true.
Bleacher Boys, can't we just give it one last hurrah? Doesn't all of your years of friendship warrant at least that?
-Alyssa
I can understand why Doug is saying this, it goes past just you BJ. What Doug is essentially saying is that Matt cannot patch things with the others he targeted as "possible friends" (i.e. Andrew, Doug) and expect things to be okay. We already know your friendship with him works and has been for months. But for the others to do the same would be to ignore their ties to the situation, their loyalty to the group, and myself. Everyone feels that the problems between Matt and I are the center of everything and they can't bring themselves to just forget about it so that they can let Matt back into their lives. I feel guilty for this because I really WANT everything to be alright. I think we CAN make it better. There is just so much pride that these boys can't let go of. If they keep being guided by their egos then we're never going to solve things.
BJ you said "...because any chance of that happening is even slimmer than it was before." Does that mean Matt even wanted to solve things? That is something I have heard asked countless times over the past week. No one knows what the fuck Matt wants, even you don't!! It makes everyone that much more uneasy because they are moving blindly. I feel the only way to truly end this (or maybe start the healing??) is to sit down with Matt. But with Matt constantly changing the rules of how we're going to talk it looks like it is never going to happen. Especially if he is forbidding my attendance. I said that I would not go if Olivia wasn't, if all they wanted to talk about was the boy's issues. But now Matt wants one talk with everyone...does that even include me? If not then you can forget about it happening, we can't keep running away from our problems Matt or using childish tactics to drive me away. This all comes down to you and I (and Olivia.) Save for your problems with Travis, nothing can happen without our situation being discussed.
I think I have proven time and time again how backwards I am willing to bend for this situation to be resolved. Even now I feel like we could make this work, we all just need to be mature and reflect on the mistakes we've made. I've wished time and time again that I could disregard you, forget you, but I know it's never really going to happen. If this never gets solved, I know that I tried my best, despite my faults, and for that I hope I never feel regret. I've lost a lot of people in my life, even now I don't speak to half of my family members. But it's never hurt as much as losing you has. I hate that, but it is true.
Bleacher Boys, can't we just give it one last hurrah? Doesn't all of your years of friendship warrant at least that?
-Alyssa
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