That Old Recurring Headache Called Friendship

To be clear, this is going to be my last statement in this matter, between Matt and the Bleacher Boys. It's apparent to me now that words through a website don't accomplish shit. Neither does talking amongst ourselves. I already addressed Doug's post in comment and Matt has informed me that his reaction was similar. Okay let's handle this in segments.

"But for the others to do the same would be to ignore their ties to the situation, their loyalty to the group, and myself."

Fuck loyalty and fuck ties. This is about getting over that shit and moving forward. This isn't supposed to be about sides. If you are truly interested in making good with Matt, you wouldn't be going through me. You'd be trying to get in touch with him yourself. That's just the truth. And let's be clear: I don't begrudge you what you choose either way. If you want to be friends with Matt or if you want to never see him again, I won't judge you either way.

There is just so much pride that these boys can't let go of. If they keep being guided by their egos then we're never going to solve things.

I essentially agree with this.

Does that mean Matt even wanted to solve things? That is something I have heard asked countless times over the past week. No one knows what the fuck Matt wants, even you don't!! It makes everyone that much more uneasy because they are moving blindly. I feel the only way to truly end this (or maybe start the healing??) is to sit down with Matt. But with Matt constantly changing the rules of how we're going to talk it looks like it is never going to happen.

This is and has been Matt's statement: he's willing to talk, he's willing to listen, but he doesn't think anyone is going to step forward. And so far, that's been true. Matt has also stated that this is not going to make or break him - so much time has passed that he's accepted not reuniting with the group. I have never been unclear on that. It's supposed to be uneasy. He wants you to be moving blindly, because to him, your apology needs to be GENUINE, which means it SHOULD NOT MATTER if he apologizes back or not, and by withholding one until you are sure that he will reciprocate, you are essentially confirming his fears. If you think his view on this situation is wrong, that's fine - but in that case it's also your job to communicate this to him. Not through text, not through word of mouth, but to his face. Matt didn't want to resolve his issues with me any other way, why would it be different here? It's become clear that trying to state your case on this website is avoiding what he needs to address this situation - face time.

If not then you can forget about it happening, we can't keep running away from our problems Matt or using childish tactics to drive me away.

Without knowing your problem with Matt, as it is a situation literally only you two know the full extent of, I can't comment either way. And to be fair, no one can but you, so anyone who tries to characterize your relationship with Matt isn't really speaking with any basis, because this is literally between you two. Not even Andrew or Olivia knows how deep the rabbit hole goes because other than you two, no one knows the full story.

Save for your problems with Travis, nothing can happen without our situation being discussed.

Nothing with the group, perhaps. This all-or-nothing mentality is what will keep this from getting anywhere. Things are not just going to be patched up, no matter how fucking real a conversation might be. This is something that will take time. Even if we all met up and aired all our feelings, chances are we wouldn't just be back in the swing of things. When I asked if people were willing to accept all this, I wasn't playing with words. Matt is Matt. He has said what he said to Alyssa. If you can't get over that, you can't be friends with him. That's just the way it is. This is the way Matt has always been and most likely always will be. How his message to Alyssa became a message about the group, I have no idea. You have all turned Matt into a cunning linguist in order to be offended by his words. When has Matt EVER layered a statement to include people who are silently participating? The message he sent was to Alyssa, for Alyssa. That's it. We already brought that up but I feel like that's a recurring theme and you seriously need to either get over it or bring this up with him, TO HIS FACE. I've said way worse shit about people and been let off the hook for it. Let's just be real about that.

I think I have proven time and time again how backwards I am willing to bend for this situation to be resolved. Even now I feel like we could make this work, we all just need to be mature and reflect on the mistakes we've made.

You can bend yourself into a pretzel, but if you don't fix the problem, the effort is for naught. Your energy needs to be put into figuring out EXACTLY why you and Matt aren't getting along. This is something you need to figure out inside yourself. It sucks ass to have to analyze your own behavior and see what's "wrong" in it - so you need to figure out if a friendship with Matt is worth judging yourself by his standard. If it isn't, stop bending - you're wasting your time. If you think that's too harsh, refer back to what I said previously - this is what it comes down to with Matt and friendship. Is a friendship with him worth letting him dictate what you do that bothers him and changing your behavior? That again is a question only you can answer.

Bleacher Boys, can't we just give it one last hurrah? Doesn't all of your years of friendship warrant at least that?

Here's my problem with this statement: it means well, but no one is actually acting on it. All this time I've been used as a translator and no one has attempted to directly contact the other party. You all speak English. But no one has actually put the step forward. You can write pages and pages on this blog and we can have forty meetings and discussions, but with the exception of Andrew, no one has attempted to get a direct hold of Matt. (And by the way, on that note, that meeting arrangement literally got lost in the mess of a greater group meeting. I can still try to establish that if you desire.) No one has called Matt and said, "Hey, what the fuck?" or "Dude, we need to talk." And that speaks louder than anything. And as you have probably realized, Matt hasn't reached out to you either. Which is a statement in itself. So once again it comes down to this: Matt will talk and listen, if you reach out. And he doesn't think you will. And he's okay with that. This means you have to push down your pride in a major way, step forward and be ready to apologize for shit you may not even believe yourself to be responsible for. This is not an easy thing to do, and it's the whole point he's trying to accomplish. If that is something you want to do, do it. If not, that's okay too. I have no side in this. I made my peace with Matt.

No matter what happens, I still hold dear everyone involved. I seriously don't give a shit whether every thing works out in the end. I want it to happen, but if trying to get there means ruining my friendship with either side, fuck it. Because no one is worth more than the other to me in this situation. All this discussion has now become apparently pointless to me, because every criticism of Matt you all have done here (and it's not my job to judge this criticism either way) has not been to his face.

So, to reiterate a final time: if you have a problem with Matt, and you want to fix it, it's in your hands to step forward and make your peace. And you know exactly what he expects from you. It's entirely up to you whether you want to accept that cost or not.

And now, to lighten the mood, I present to you the following:


If you think swallowing your pride is hard, trying getting a sweater on an anteater. I present that as a TRUE conundrum.