Things I've Heard Said At Work
I don't think this needs any intro, it's fairly self-explanitory.
"I'm not a fucking bottom feeder, Bryan. I eat motherfucking whales, son."
"You can't lift that?"
"....It weighs hundreds of pounds."
"I'm tired of your excuses."
"IT WEIGHS HUNDREDS OF POUNDS."
"So?"
"I'm not a punk bitch. I can leave whenever I want without giving any kind of notice and they'd welcome me back with open arms. I've got those kind of skills."
"What kind of skills?"
"I can read."
"I went down the Mexico for my vacation."
"How the Hell did you get in?"
"I went through Border Patrol."
"Why the hell would you do that?!"
"What are they gonna do, ask me to keep walking?"
"So I was down in TJ on Saturday and this guy has fucking everything. Pot, coke, meth, you name it. He starts walking up on me when the Federalis show up. He tossed his shit like a hail mary and I got the hell out of there."
"Why did you run?"
"Federalis are not like cops. Cops will hassle you, maybe bring you in and question you. Federalis make you disappear in a black SUV."
"How did Cuddles (nickname for one of our warehousemen) lose his front teeth?"
"I dunno."
"Well, have you asked him? He lives with you."
"He dunno either."
"One of these days, I'm gonna get a rope and hang you from the rack and stab you in the knees. Hey what, I'm just kidding man. I'm trying to make you laugh! C'mon, shake my hand."
"I hate these bastards. All they have to do if they kill you is run across the border and come back in a couple months."
"Why does it seem like all we hire are people from south of the border?"
"Because everyone else who applies is a meth head."
"See this bar?" (Coworker drew a blank bar on a piece of paper, then colored almost all of it in with a pen.)
"If she fills up the rest of that bar before the day is over, you're gonna have to be the new warehouse manager."
"Why, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm gonna tear her head off, man."
"Will someone tell Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass that they're sweeping out someone else's warehouse?"
There are also a delightful bevy of racial epithets that get tossed around about every ten minutes, but I think I'll spare you."
"I'm not a fucking bottom feeder, Bryan. I eat motherfucking whales, son."
"You can't lift that?"
"....It weighs hundreds of pounds."
"I'm tired of your excuses."
"IT WEIGHS HUNDREDS OF POUNDS."
"So?"
"I'm not a punk bitch. I can leave whenever I want without giving any kind of notice and they'd welcome me back with open arms. I've got those kind of skills."
"What kind of skills?"
"I can read."
"I went down the Mexico for my vacation."
"How the Hell did you get in?"
"I went through Border Patrol."
"Why the hell would you do that?!"
"What are they gonna do, ask me to keep walking?"
"So I was down in TJ on Saturday and this guy has fucking everything. Pot, coke, meth, you name it. He starts walking up on me when the Federalis show up. He tossed his shit like a hail mary and I got the hell out of there."
"Why did you run?"
"Federalis are not like cops. Cops will hassle you, maybe bring you in and question you. Federalis make you disappear in a black SUV."
"How did Cuddles (nickname for one of our warehousemen) lose his front teeth?"
"I dunno."
"Well, have you asked him? He lives with you."
"He dunno either."
"One of these days, I'm gonna get a rope and hang you from the rack and stab you in the knees. Hey what, I'm just kidding man. I'm trying to make you laugh! C'mon, shake my hand."
"I hate these bastards. All they have to do if they kill you is run across the border and come back in a couple months."
"Why does it seem like all we hire are people from south of the border?"
"Because everyone else who applies is a meth head."
"See this bar?" (Coworker drew a blank bar on a piece of paper, then colored almost all of it in with a pen.)
"If she fills up the rest of that bar before the day is over, you're gonna have to be the new warehouse manager."
"Why, what are you gonna do?"
"I'm gonna tear her head off, man."
"Will someone tell Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass that they're sweeping out someone else's warehouse?"
There are also a delightful bevy of racial epithets that get tossed around about every ten minutes, but I think I'll spare you."
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