My Bizarre Odyssey
Let me preface this by saying that I think as far as crazy goes, I'm not that high. Sure, there are periods of 'enhanced lunacy' that pop up here and again, but for the most part, I'm a boring, normal human being with an active imagination.
Alright. So I've been playing Sims 2 recently. If you know me, you know how I can get with that game. I demand perfection for my sims, something that often drives me to the brink of insanity. I cannot stand anything even broaching the yellow. I dunno. That's just how I roll.
As you may also know, I've been working on Assassins quite a bit recently. Well, to not spoil anything, let's just say that I've let the genetics system of the Sims 2 to decide the look of a particular character. That is, I've had two sims modeled after two Assassins characters make child. Why? Because, I figure a genetics system encoded in a game for just this sort of thing works better than my lazy imagination. Maybe not, but it helped leap the hurdle.
Unfortunately, this is not so simple. The character in question is not a child - and so we have to go through aging. That means, on top of raising four other characters (nevermind that I've only told you about 2 - it's always more complicated than that with me) I have to raise this infant. Okay, I'm up to the challenge. Since I demand perfection, this kid will not have a fun childhood. But sacrifices must be made. So the second this kid has disguishing features (read: as soon as this child is compatible with learning) I put its ass to the grind stone. And, not surprisingly due to the bloodline from which this kid stems, she's okay with that. Yes, I said she. This bastardette knows how to walk and talk before the first day of toddlerdom is over. And after a nap? I stick her on the shitter and teach her that too.
That phase passes relatively quickly, and we move to the child phase. Now, the child phase is way more fun - you see the fruits of your labor for the first real time. When she does grow up, what's this character's choice attire (which you cannot alter no matter how hard you try)? Pirate clothes. No, seriously. She's a fucking pirate. YES. At was at this point that my bizarre odyssey truly began - this digital creation is not just something I'm doing to help my writing, it's now in essence a being that I have base emotions for. Over time, this game child is starting to become a child child.
On top of that, the kid is a friggin' genius. She maxes out her logic skill in a matter of hours. That's something it takes most sims days to achieve. So, now that I have the Revan of children, I decide to give this kid a break. Because, slowly, I'm starting to care.
Now, as far as aestetics go, she's right on the mark. I can already stop advancing this kid, because I can already tell what she'll look like older. So let's just say right here in this paragraph that I can stop advancing the kid. It no longer has purpose to me.
Okay. Read that? Useless to me.
So, skip ahead a few days of actual play time - not sim days. Those are like 20 minutes long, maybe. The kid in question is now a teenager. You know, that age where this particular gender gets taken advantage of by, well, my gender. I am acutely aware of this. Acutely. So when she goes clothes shopping, I'm on guard - because unlike usual parents, I'm there - controlling her very actions. And here's where it gets funny. See, I've now moved beyond the base emotion phase. It's not admiration here and there now. This thing is, for all intents and purposes, my offspring. So, when the clothing selections come up, I cannot bear to get something skimpy or revealing in any sort. Not that this game has anything really racy, but even then there are only certain items I can abide by. So imagine my relieve when I see some items that aren't just not whory, but actually are pretty okay. The kind of thing a girl I might be attracted to would wear. Score! Note that I actually said this, and there was as I recall some arm pumping involved as well. So, now that my daughter (yes, that word has come through my head more than once) is stylin' and/or profilin', she can leap that dread hurdle that we refer to as the male of the species.
And of course, she turns out to be a lesbian. Uh...okay. I can roll with that. Dread hurdle leaped.
That's pretty much where I'm at now. I know in my heart that if this sim somehow in some way died, I would be devastated. Every night for the past few weeks, I've no longer been "tending the flock," I've been "tending the offspring". It's funny, because the sim way of getting a child is so easy and ridiculous. It's literally the immaculate conception, and they grow up much faster than chidren possibly could. And I realize this of course, and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have children, ever ever EVER. But having one in this game...I dunno. It brings something out of me that would never come out otherwise. And I mean that in as noncreepy a way as I think is possible.
Alright. So I've been playing Sims 2 recently. If you know me, you know how I can get with that game. I demand perfection for my sims, something that often drives me to the brink of insanity. I cannot stand anything even broaching the yellow. I dunno. That's just how I roll.
As you may also know, I've been working on Assassins quite a bit recently. Well, to not spoil anything, let's just say that I've let the genetics system of the Sims 2 to decide the look of a particular character. That is, I've had two sims modeled after two Assassins characters make child. Why? Because, I figure a genetics system encoded in a game for just this sort of thing works better than my lazy imagination. Maybe not, but it helped leap the hurdle.
Unfortunately, this is not so simple. The character in question is not a child - and so we have to go through aging. That means, on top of raising four other characters (nevermind that I've only told you about 2 - it's always more complicated than that with me) I have to raise this infant. Okay, I'm up to the challenge. Since I demand perfection, this kid will not have a fun childhood. But sacrifices must be made. So the second this kid has disguishing features (read: as soon as this child is compatible with learning) I put its ass to the grind stone. And, not surprisingly due to the bloodline from which this kid stems, she's okay with that. Yes, I said she. This bastardette knows how to walk and talk before the first day of toddlerdom is over. And after a nap? I stick her on the shitter and teach her that too.
That phase passes relatively quickly, and we move to the child phase. Now, the child phase is way more fun - you see the fruits of your labor for the first real time. When she does grow up, what's this character's choice attire (which you cannot alter no matter how hard you try)? Pirate clothes. No, seriously. She's a fucking pirate. YES. At was at this point that my bizarre odyssey truly began - this digital creation is not just something I'm doing to help my writing, it's now in essence a being that I have base emotions for. Over time, this game child is starting to become a child child.
On top of that, the kid is a friggin' genius. She maxes out her logic skill in a matter of hours. That's something it takes most sims days to achieve. So, now that I have the Revan of children, I decide to give this kid a break. Because, slowly, I'm starting to care.
Now, as far as aestetics go, she's right on the mark. I can already stop advancing this kid, because I can already tell what she'll look like older. So let's just say right here in this paragraph that I can stop advancing the kid. It no longer has purpose to me.
Okay. Read that? Useless to me.
So, skip ahead a few days of actual play time - not sim days. Those are like 20 minutes long, maybe. The kid in question is now a teenager. You know, that age where this particular gender gets taken advantage of by, well, my gender. I am acutely aware of this. Acutely. So when she goes clothes shopping, I'm on guard - because unlike usual parents, I'm there - controlling her very actions. And here's where it gets funny. See, I've now moved beyond the base emotion phase. It's not admiration here and there now. This thing is, for all intents and purposes, my offspring. So, when the clothing selections come up, I cannot bear to get something skimpy or revealing in any sort. Not that this game has anything really racy, but even then there are only certain items I can abide by. So imagine my relieve when I see some items that aren't just not whory, but actually are pretty okay. The kind of thing a girl I might be attracted to would wear. Score! Note that I actually said this, and there was as I recall some arm pumping involved as well. So, now that my daughter (yes, that word has come through my head more than once) is stylin' and/or profilin', she can leap that dread hurdle that we refer to as the male of the species.
And of course, she turns out to be a lesbian. Uh...okay. I can roll with that. Dread hurdle leaped.
That's pretty much where I'm at now. I know in my heart that if this sim somehow in some way died, I would be devastated. Every night for the past few weeks, I've no longer been "tending the flock," I've been "tending the offspring". It's funny, because the sim way of getting a child is so easy and ridiculous. It's literally the immaculate conception, and they grow up much faster than chidren possibly could. And I realize this of course, and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have children, ever ever EVER. But having one in this game...I dunno. It brings something out of me that would never come out otherwise. And I mean that in as noncreepy a way as I think is possible.
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