The Bane of My Existence
Let me tell you about the worst commercial ever made. No, it's not the endless Star Wars commercials. Some of them are bad, some of them are good. No, this one has to do with motor oil.
You see, this commercial opens up with some guy walking out to his truck and the voice over goes something like, "I bet he thinks this is his truck. But it's mine." With the gravelled "I smoke too much" VO, you'd think like the guy's old man would be sitting in the front seat. BUT NO. It's a fucking dog. He rationalizes that somehow, despite the fact that he HASN'T PAID A DIME, the truck's his because "30,000 miles of wind have passed through this nose." Great. I'll remember that when I steal a car. if I just drive around with my head out the window, the car's mine. Then this douchebag dog says, "But he does protect it." Yeah, he protects HIS car because he paid for it. What do you do you little shit? Besides get fur on the seat? Have you ever vacuumed your own ass hair off? Somehow I think I know the answer. What pisses me off is the bravado of this useless piece of meat. Like he's taunting the guy for giving his ass a free ride. The guy pays for your fucking meals and shelter, but the car is yours? I bet you think you own the house too? I mean Jesus, how much carpet has gone through that Manifest Destiny nose of yours? No, fuck you. I'd go Old Yeller on this fucker. Then he says, "Nice man, nice man," as they drive off like THE DUDE IS THE FUCKING PET. Now you've gone too far, Fido. I don't know who I want to rifle butt across the face more - the VA or the dog itself because I hate dogs. The person who thought this commercial up is going to die at my hands, and let me tell you why. Not because he got it on the air, which is bad enough. No, it's cause I bet this fucker laughed when he wrote it. "Oh man, I just thought up a totally contrived, overdone idea! Let' sell motor oil with it! Ohhhh God yesssss." That last part would be him masturbating since clearly I want you to hate him too. Then he probably went over to the ad execs and they were like, "Oh God, that dog totally owned that bitch ass owner. Film this immeadiately. Oh God, I need to touch myself RIGHT NOW." Then, some dumb redneck sat on his couch watching it and went, "HAR HAR HAR!!! I hate my life."
These are the kind of commercials that make me hate TV. Chalk that up next to singing commercials (think Fanta), those stupid Vonage commercials, Subway, anything with Carrot Top, those fucking Geico commercials, and pretty much anything from Old Navy EVER. Why is it their goal to make television unwatchable?
JESUS, which reminds me. If I see that 21st Century propaganda again, I'm going postal. No I don't need social disaster insurance. That's for pussies. And what's this about "luckily there's a car insurance for us." Us who? I'm not associating myself with you. Why don't you jam your sucky car insurance up your ass? And they pick a girl whose eyes are supposed to be all innocent. They won't be when I hit you with that fucking motor oil dog. ARGH!
I HATE stupid commercials.
You see, this commercial opens up with some guy walking out to his truck and the voice over goes something like, "I bet he thinks this is his truck. But it's mine." With the gravelled "I smoke too much" VO, you'd think like the guy's old man would be sitting in the front seat. BUT NO. It's a fucking dog. He rationalizes that somehow, despite the fact that he HASN'T PAID A DIME, the truck's his because "30,000 miles of wind have passed through this nose." Great. I'll remember that when I steal a car. if I just drive around with my head out the window, the car's mine. Then this douchebag dog says, "But he does protect it." Yeah, he protects HIS car because he paid for it. What do you do you little shit? Besides get fur on the seat? Have you ever vacuumed your own ass hair off? Somehow I think I know the answer. What pisses me off is the bravado of this useless piece of meat. Like he's taunting the guy for giving his ass a free ride. The guy pays for your fucking meals and shelter, but the car is yours? I bet you think you own the house too? I mean Jesus, how much carpet has gone through that Manifest Destiny nose of yours? No, fuck you. I'd go Old Yeller on this fucker. Then he says, "Nice man, nice man," as they drive off like THE DUDE IS THE FUCKING PET. Now you've gone too far, Fido. I don't know who I want to rifle butt across the face more - the VA or the dog itself because I hate dogs. The person who thought this commercial up is going to die at my hands, and let me tell you why. Not because he got it on the air, which is bad enough. No, it's cause I bet this fucker laughed when he wrote it. "Oh man, I just thought up a totally contrived, overdone idea! Let' sell motor oil with it! Ohhhh God yesssss." That last part would be him masturbating since clearly I want you to hate him too. Then he probably went over to the ad execs and they were like, "Oh God, that dog totally owned that bitch ass owner. Film this immeadiately. Oh God, I need to touch myself RIGHT NOW." Then, some dumb redneck sat on his couch watching it and went, "HAR HAR HAR!!! I hate my life."
These are the kind of commercials that make me hate TV. Chalk that up next to singing commercials (think Fanta), those stupid Vonage commercials, Subway, anything with Carrot Top, those fucking Geico commercials, and pretty much anything from Old Navy EVER. Why is it their goal to make television unwatchable?
JESUS, which reminds me. If I see that 21st Century propaganda again, I'm going postal. No I don't need social disaster insurance. That's for pussies. And what's this about "luckily there's a car insurance for us." Us who? I'm not associating myself with you. Why don't you jam your sucky car insurance up your ass? And they pick a girl whose eyes are supposed to be all innocent. They won't be when I hit you with that fucking motor oil dog. ARGH!
I HATE stupid commercials.
Comments
EVER.
YOU FUCKING EVIL COMPANY I AM NEVER "LOVIN' IT"
#$%$#%$#%$#%@%$#!#@!#!@#!@#@