You Know Who You Are
EDIT: Many people originally thought this post was about Alyssa, and to be fair I can see why. There are certain descrepancies that give away that it isn't, but I could see this as a believable anti-Alyssa post. But you have to understand that I would have to still be on a speaking basis with Alyssa to write any complaints of character to her.
Enough bullshit. You say you want attention but when you get it you push away. You say that you're just acting like someone else and you're really different, but let's face some fucking facts here; if you act one way all the time, no one is going to give a shit who you are under that. This is real life, not Hollywood. You keep pushing away and buying shallow sympathies from people who want more than your friendship and you're going to get what you're asking for. You are who you fucking portray. You stay one way long enough and it might as well be who you are. I DON'T FUCKING CARE what your problem is. I don't know if it's just a broken home or it's as extreme as rape. It doesn't fucking matter. Quit living like a cripple and start fucking living. Don't use the bad side of life to justify pushing yourself off a cliff. You know what I'm talking about. All you do is bitch about how bad you've got it. So FUCKING CHANGE IT. Or shut the fuck up. Because people will stop caring. People will stop helping you out when all you do is pull them down with you. I've tried to care and be your friend. So have others, in their own ways. So quit fucking punishing us or stop calling us friends. You want to keep running away from life? You're fucking stupid.
I'll give you a latency period after trauma. Everyone has their own issues and sometimes it's hard to go on when things are shitty. But that's no excuse to lie down in the gutter and die like a filthy fucking rat. Quit being ashamed of yourself and start making yourself something to be proud of.
And quit trying to play mind games with Matt, because you're fucking terrible at it. Everything he is is right in front of you, and you're trying to twist it into some sort of conspiracy. Think we don't know shit about you? Guess what? You don't know shit about us either, and at least we have the good sense to explain that how we feel is purely opinion. You think you're the only one who's suffered? You don't know a Goddamn thing about me nor anyone else's trauma. So quit pretending like you're the only one who hurts. Everyone hurts, the difference is we bandage the wounds and you let them get gangrenous. You want to push away, call me an asshole? Fine. Do it. But quit fucking bullshitting me. And quit fucking bullshitting yourself.
Your cavalier "you don't understand my anguish" attitude is bullshit, and no one is falling for it. Don't like having your shit being called see-through? Then quit fucking making it so Goddamn translucent. It's people like you that make me fucking sick. Remind me of myself a few years back. Would slap the shit out of myself if I could. You've got one Goddamn life to live and you're wasting it begging for pity on a street corner because you've been wronged. We've all been wronged. I expressed my feelings to a girl and she basically told me to die. I know at least three girls who have been raped, and one of them is MY OWN MOTHER. I have family members that will die in a crack house like my father should have. I have a friend who never learned how to express his feelings and has to be shipped to a camp in Virginia, away from all his friends and his family, to learn. I know people who have been cheated on and who cheat constantly. I know people who have lost family and friends to drugs. Death is fucking permanent. Are your problems worse than ALL THESE FUCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL LIVING THEIR LIVES? You arrogant, self-centered bitch. Get your head out of your ass and see your world for what it is. Your cowardly, passive-aggressive bullshit is tired, and no one deserves it. Are you waiting for someone to fix you? I've got news for you: only you can fix yourself. So grow the fuck up and join the rest of the human race, or God help you, inflict yourself on as little of it as fucking possible. Because this shit is so done, you don't even know. I can't handle it anymore. And I'm not alone.
EDIT: The bottom line is this. It came off harsh, and that is the point. I think you need to wake up to your actions and be real with yourself. I don't particularly want to eat your head off or do anything insanely violent like that, but come on. When it gets so bad that any time me or Matt even try to socialize with you on any level, you start screaming about how we're two-faced cuntheads that just DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU SO DON'T TRY, it gets old way too fast. You seem to be missing one very important aspect: neither of us give a damn. I'm not trying to fix you. Only you can fix you. That's my point. What irritates me is that you've convinced yourself of your own bullshit, something everyone of us has done from time to time. Snap out of it. Me and Matt don't have an ulterior motive. I'm not trying to get into your head. I'm already there because your head is an open space. If you don't want to share your traumatic past, fine. I don't care. But don't fucking broach the subject of it every time anyone talks to you IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT! It makes people think you do, because that's the way people are. I'm done talking about this now. If you want to go on riding the high horse, I don't honestly care. But please heed something I've said to some degree. Otherwise you're just spinning dead in the water. And God knows we have enough of those people around us.
Enough bullshit. You say you want attention but when you get it you push away. You say that you're just acting like someone else and you're really different, but let's face some fucking facts here; if you act one way all the time, no one is going to give a shit who you are under that. This is real life, not Hollywood. You keep pushing away and buying shallow sympathies from people who want more than your friendship and you're going to get what you're asking for. You are who you fucking portray. You stay one way long enough and it might as well be who you are. I DON'T FUCKING CARE what your problem is. I don't know if it's just a broken home or it's as extreme as rape. It doesn't fucking matter. Quit living like a cripple and start fucking living. Don't use the bad side of life to justify pushing yourself off a cliff. You know what I'm talking about. All you do is bitch about how bad you've got it. So FUCKING CHANGE IT. Or shut the fuck up. Because people will stop caring. People will stop helping you out when all you do is pull them down with you. I've tried to care and be your friend. So have others, in their own ways. So quit fucking punishing us or stop calling us friends. You want to keep running away from life? You're fucking stupid.
I'll give you a latency period after trauma. Everyone has their own issues and sometimes it's hard to go on when things are shitty. But that's no excuse to lie down in the gutter and die like a filthy fucking rat. Quit being ashamed of yourself and start making yourself something to be proud of.
And quit trying to play mind games with Matt, because you're fucking terrible at it. Everything he is is right in front of you, and you're trying to twist it into some sort of conspiracy. Think we don't know shit about you? Guess what? You don't know shit about us either, and at least we have the good sense to explain that how we feel is purely opinion. You think you're the only one who's suffered? You don't know a Goddamn thing about me nor anyone else's trauma. So quit pretending like you're the only one who hurts. Everyone hurts, the difference is we bandage the wounds and you let them get gangrenous. You want to push away, call me an asshole? Fine. Do it. But quit fucking bullshitting me. And quit fucking bullshitting yourself.
Your cavalier "you don't understand my anguish" attitude is bullshit, and no one is falling for it. Don't like having your shit being called see-through? Then quit fucking making it so Goddamn translucent. It's people like you that make me fucking sick. Remind me of myself a few years back. Would slap the shit out of myself if I could. You've got one Goddamn life to live and you're wasting it begging for pity on a street corner because you've been wronged. We've all been wronged. I expressed my feelings to a girl and she basically told me to die. I know at least three girls who have been raped, and one of them is MY OWN MOTHER. I have family members that will die in a crack house like my father should have. I have a friend who never learned how to express his feelings and has to be shipped to a camp in Virginia, away from all his friends and his family, to learn. I know people who have been cheated on and who cheat constantly. I know people who have lost family and friends to drugs. Death is fucking permanent. Are your problems worse than ALL THESE FUCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL LIVING THEIR LIVES? You arrogant, self-centered bitch. Get your head out of your ass and see your world for what it is. Your cowardly, passive-aggressive bullshit is tired, and no one deserves it. Are you waiting for someone to fix you? I've got news for you: only you can fix yourself. So grow the fuck up and join the rest of the human race, or God help you, inflict yourself on as little of it as fucking possible. Because this shit is so done, you don't even know. I can't handle it anymore. And I'm not alone.
EDIT: The bottom line is this. It came off harsh, and that is the point. I think you need to wake up to your actions and be real with yourself. I don't particularly want to eat your head off or do anything insanely violent like that, but come on. When it gets so bad that any time me or Matt even try to socialize with you on any level, you start screaming about how we're two-faced cuntheads that just DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU SO DON'T TRY, it gets old way too fast. You seem to be missing one very important aspect: neither of us give a damn. I'm not trying to fix you. Only you can fix you. That's my point. What irritates me is that you've convinced yourself of your own bullshit, something everyone of us has done from time to time. Snap out of it. Me and Matt don't have an ulterior motive. I'm not trying to get into your head. I'm already there because your head is an open space. If you don't want to share your traumatic past, fine. I don't care. But don't fucking broach the subject of it every time anyone talks to you IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT! It makes people think you do, because that's the way people are. I'm done talking about this now. If you want to go on riding the high horse, I don't honestly care. But please heed something I've said to some degree. Otherwise you're just spinning dead in the water. And God knows we have enough of those people around us.
Comments