Deeper Side
So it's still a new year and Travis' birthday party is over. It was kind of a mixed affair for me, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, it was a bash, but there was this gnawing at the back of my mind that kept reminding me that I couldn't get a quarter of the people that showed up there to come to a party at my place of cash were exploding out of the windows. It doesn't really bother me in the sense that I want a large party, more in the sense that I've always had this...fear that no one actually likes me, and that they just put on a face or are nice to me to deal with me.
Anyhow, the real point of this post was the psychic palm reader that no doubt everyone went to. I heard mixed reviews from everyone, some amazed, and others remaining unconvinced. Allegedly Sandra cried. Personally, I was shocked out of my mind. Here was this lady who had never met, seen, or even heard me in her entire life, and she was right on the dot with everything she said. I don't know how long she held every else's hands for, but for me it was like literally about four seconds. The first words to come out of her mouth were "You are meant to film." She told me about how I had a particular affinity for noirish film, and basically told me that film was my destined path and that through it I would meet a zillion people. She also told me that she felt I existed to challenge the values and ways people think and that's why I feel the need to go against the grain. Keep in mind the whole time I didn't say a word. She told me that while I do get inspired as every person does, how it affects me is different than most other people in the sense that I don't emulate and modify what I see, but attempt something entirely new or something like that. In other words, I do get inspired by things, but for the most part the basis for my attitude and thinking is my own self. I don't know how exactly to word that better.
As for the love life, she told me that I'd do some sparse dating here and there, but nothing too heavy. She said around my third year of college, I'd find/realize the identity of the woman I was to marry, and we'd be really in love and build a house and all that kind of thing that a teenager isn't supposed to be considering yet. She also said I'd have one kid, who would change the way I thought or something to that extent. Personally, I don't like the idea of waiting another three years before meeting anyone interesting, and she seemed to pick up on that by repeatedly telling me, "Stop looking already." Okay, OKAY, I get it. Get off my back, people.
Of course, all this has to be taken with a grain of salt, and she even so herself in her own way. This is but one future in a sea of possibility, and while it's my supposed "destiny", a quick jump in front of an oncoming bus would change it. All this led to a discussion with Doug about fate, and somewhere between Dr. Manhattan, Muad'Dib, and Donnie Darko, I made some realizations. Doug made the point that although time is random and anything is possible, there are key events which are unavoidable. He made this point to explain why Muad'Dib could see everything so clearly in Dune Messiah though blinded. My point of view, however, was a little more abstract. I think that Muad'Dib in his mind made decisions that certain things were unavoidable, hence making them such. He decided over time that certain events, such as the Jihad, were unavoidable. This peaked when his future became so focused that only one possible series of events could happen. Hence, I think that if there are key events in time that you have to visit, they are created (or erased) by you and your subconscious. Doug pointed out that there must have been a reason that Dr. Manhattan let all sorts of messes go (the Kennedy assassination for one, and others that shall not be mentioned here), and that it was because (he thinks) they were meant to happen. I fell back on my view that it was short-sightness of his mind that let such things happen. I made the point referencing Donnie Darko. All those terrible events happened, and I can understand that he must have perceived death via plane engine as the only viable solution to his problem. And indeed, there were a million other possibilities. But because he only considered the one and decided internally that death was the only solution, he made that a reality. Before I move on to my next point, I'd like to say that if you followed this paragraph completely, than you are helplessly lost in nerdom. Shame on you.
Anyway, I got to thinking about destiny and what it is more clearly. Like I said, though it's my "destiny" to get into the film industry, a quick round of tag with the third rail or fun game of smear the queer with a bullet train would wipe out that possibility. And I also realized that even talking to this psychic and hearing this "future" altered the future I could have had by opening my mind to one path and closing the door on others (this would obviously be at the discrepancy of how much stock I actually put into believing the psychic, but it's still undeniable that it had at least a minute effect.)So is it possible perhaps that destiny is not what you are meant to do, what you are doomed to do (because the freedom of choice is undeniable so long as you keep your mind clear), but rather the most desirable path to take? Perhaps destiny isn't what you have to do, but rather what it's recommended you do. Fate is avoidable. If you are fated to die in a car accident on your 19th birthday, what's to stop you from drowning yourself in a pool at age five or moving up onto a steep mountain where no car can reach? The point I'm trying to make here is that the only one who determines your fate is you, and that fate changes every second and with every new decision you make. There are no solids in time.
Well, that's what I've thought about over the past twenty hours or so. I have these high hopes that at least someone will know what I'm talking about, but I'm not holding my breath.
Anyhow, the real point of this post was the psychic palm reader that no doubt everyone went to. I heard mixed reviews from everyone, some amazed, and others remaining unconvinced. Allegedly Sandra cried. Personally, I was shocked out of my mind. Here was this lady who had never met, seen, or even heard me in her entire life, and she was right on the dot with everything she said. I don't know how long she held every else's hands for, but for me it was like literally about four seconds. The first words to come out of her mouth were "You are meant to film." She told me about how I had a particular affinity for noirish film, and basically told me that film was my destined path and that through it I would meet a zillion people. She also told me that she felt I existed to challenge the values and ways people think and that's why I feel the need to go against the grain. Keep in mind the whole time I didn't say a word. She told me that while I do get inspired as every person does, how it affects me is different than most other people in the sense that I don't emulate and modify what I see, but attempt something entirely new or something like that. In other words, I do get inspired by things, but for the most part the basis for my attitude and thinking is my own self. I don't know how exactly to word that better.
As for the love life, she told me that I'd do some sparse dating here and there, but nothing too heavy. She said around my third year of college, I'd find/realize the identity of the woman I was to marry, and we'd be really in love and build a house and all that kind of thing that a teenager isn't supposed to be considering yet. She also said I'd have one kid, who would change the way I thought or something to that extent. Personally, I don't like the idea of waiting another three years before meeting anyone interesting, and she seemed to pick up on that by repeatedly telling me, "Stop looking already." Okay, OKAY, I get it. Get off my back, people.
Of course, all this has to be taken with a grain of salt, and she even so herself in her own way. This is but one future in a sea of possibility, and while it's my supposed "destiny", a quick jump in front of an oncoming bus would change it. All this led to a discussion with Doug about fate, and somewhere between Dr. Manhattan, Muad'Dib, and Donnie Darko, I made some realizations. Doug made the point that although time is random and anything is possible, there are key events which are unavoidable. He made this point to explain why Muad'Dib could see everything so clearly in Dune Messiah though blinded. My point of view, however, was a little more abstract. I think that Muad'Dib in his mind made decisions that certain things were unavoidable, hence making them such. He decided over time that certain events, such as the Jihad, were unavoidable. This peaked when his future became so focused that only one possible series of events could happen. Hence, I think that if there are key events in time that you have to visit, they are created (or erased) by you and your subconscious. Doug pointed out that there must have been a reason that Dr. Manhattan let all sorts of messes go (the Kennedy assassination for one, and others that shall not be mentioned here), and that it was because (he thinks) they were meant to happen. I fell back on my view that it was short-sightness of his mind that let such things happen. I made the point referencing Donnie Darko. All those terrible events happened, and I can understand that he must have perceived death via plane engine as the only viable solution to his problem. And indeed, there were a million other possibilities. But because he only considered the one and decided internally that death was the only solution, he made that a reality. Before I move on to my next point, I'd like to say that if you followed this paragraph completely, than you are helplessly lost in nerdom. Shame on you.
Anyway, I got to thinking about destiny and what it is more clearly. Like I said, though it's my "destiny" to get into the film industry, a quick round of tag with the third rail or fun game of smear the queer with a bullet train would wipe out that possibility. And I also realized that even talking to this psychic and hearing this "future" altered the future I could have had by opening my mind to one path and closing the door on others (this would obviously be at the discrepancy of how much stock I actually put into believing the psychic, but it's still undeniable that it had at least a minute effect.)So is it possible perhaps that destiny is not what you are meant to do, what you are doomed to do (because the freedom of choice is undeniable so long as you keep your mind clear), but rather the most desirable path to take? Perhaps destiny isn't what you have to do, but rather what it's recommended you do. Fate is avoidable. If you are fated to die in a car accident on your 19th birthday, what's to stop you from drowning yourself in a pool at age five or moving up onto a steep mountain where no car can reach? The point I'm trying to make here is that the only one who determines your fate is you, and that fate changes every second and with every new decision you make. There are no solids in time.
Well, that's what I've thought about over the past twenty hours or so. I have these high hopes that at least someone will know what I'm talking about, but I'm not holding my breath.
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