Lucid & Stupid
So I had the weirdest fucking dream last night. But before I get into that, let me let you in on what has happened in the past few days:
-I've finally gotten an ethernet cable.
-I haven't filmed anything since no one has called.
-I've been playing Halo 2/computer marathons until up to four in the morning.
-I have been sleeping 12+ hours everyday.
-I need to stop doing this insanity before I jump out of a window.
Anyhow, the dream was fucking CLEAR. I mean, most dreams I can rememeber only because I sit down and actually think really hard to recall them or keep them from slipping away. That's the damnest thing about dreams; if you don't hold on tight then they fade away. Anyhow, in the dream, Dalder came back, but he was different. God, was he different. He had long, dark, nasty hair. He was fat. He had terrible acne and his voice was different. Angry and cold. He had some kind of girlfriend with him that was insane and just as sharp-edged as he. He was...distressed that no one had written him. No, I'm not guilt tripping you guys this time because he was mad at me for not writing as well. His girlfriend kept bumming money off him and I just didn't even know how to relate to him anymore. There was just this kind of awkward bridge between us that wasn't cool at all.
The second part of the dream is much more random than that. Have you ever dreamt of the perfect person, awesome in every way? And you interact with this person really well, and you totally dig them? More directly, has it been someone you knew in a situation of your mind's creation? But then you wake up and realize that either you've never actually met this person, or you've created someone and assigned them to someone else's body? Maybe I'm not being clear here, but stay with me. The second part of the dream was back in time, when I was going out with the Unmentionable. Except this time I was cheating on her, but not really. See, in this dream cheating didn't really exist and I was seeing another person who for all accounts and purposes was another Simone, if that makes any sense at all. It started off as a girl I met while I had a foreign exchange student named Katy (the girl, not the exchange student). It's funny, because interacting with her was almost right on key with interacting with the real Katy. It's amazing the kind of realistic conversations my mind can create. Sometimes I can't believe the kind of banter I'm hearing my mind spit out. Anyhow, I must confess I had a pretty big crush on Katy, and the whole reason I had this dream might be some kind of inward regret that I pursued Simone instead of keeping up with Katy. At least, that's what I thought initially. Throughout the course of the dream, however, she became this entirely different person. She stayed just as cool though, and when I broke up with Simone (and this Katy-representation) and woke up I wondered aloud, "Jesus, why did I break up with her? She was awesome." Then I realized she wasn't real, and felt sad and more than a little stupid.
I really wish I could get my mind off of stuff like this. But the truth is my subconscious just won't, for whatever reason. Part of me doesn't want to stop thinking about this, because I think it's important, and I'm of the state of mind that you won't get anything unless you reach for it. It just doesn't feel right to me to wait for something to fall into my lap. Maybe it's the fact that I'm at the right age where....well, you know what I'm implying. Of course, another part of me realizes I come off as whiny, but please realize that I'm not whining, just stating how I feel. I'm not rolling back and forth in the kiddy pool expressing my disgust at my lack of swimming, but rather struggling in the pool and groaning aloud at my poor progress, if that makes it more clear. Man, I should call Katy. But it's been like a month and a half since I've talked to her, and she goes to Encinal...eh. Nothing ever goes my way in this game.
Godamnit.
-I've finally gotten an ethernet cable.
-I haven't filmed anything since no one has called.
-I've been playing Halo 2/computer marathons until up to four in the morning.
-I have been sleeping 12+ hours everyday.
-I need to stop doing this insanity before I jump out of a window.
Anyhow, the dream was fucking CLEAR. I mean, most dreams I can rememeber only because I sit down and actually think really hard to recall them or keep them from slipping away. That's the damnest thing about dreams; if you don't hold on tight then they fade away. Anyhow, in the dream, Dalder came back, but he was different. God, was he different. He had long, dark, nasty hair. He was fat. He had terrible acne and his voice was different. Angry and cold. He had some kind of girlfriend with him that was insane and just as sharp-edged as he. He was...distressed that no one had written him. No, I'm not guilt tripping you guys this time because he was mad at me for not writing as well. His girlfriend kept bumming money off him and I just didn't even know how to relate to him anymore. There was just this kind of awkward bridge between us that wasn't cool at all.
The second part of the dream is much more random than that. Have you ever dreamt of the perfect person, awesome in every way? And you interact with this person really well, and you totally dig them? More directly, has it been someone you knew in a situation of your mind's creation? But then you wake up and realize that either you've never actually met this person, or you've created someone and assigned them to someone else's body? Maybe I'm not being clear here, but stay with me. The second part of the dream was back in time, when I was going out with the Unmentionable. Except this time I was cheating on her, but not really. See, in this dream cheating didn't really exist and I was seeing another person who for all accounts and purposes was another Simone, if that makes any sense at all. It started off as a girl I met while I had a foreign exchange student named Katy (the girl, not the exchange student). It's funny, because interacting with her was almost right on key with interacting with the real Katy. It's amazing the kind of realistic conversations my mind can create. Sometimes I can't believe the kind of banter I'm hearing my mind spit out. Anyhow, I must confess I had a pretty big crush on Katy, and the whole reason I had this dream might be some kind of inward regret that I pursued Simone instead of keeping up with Katy. At least, that's what I thought initially. Throughout the course of the dream, however, she became this entirely different person. She stayed just as cool though, and when I broke up with Simone (and this Katy-representation) and woke up I wondered aloud, "Jesus, why did I break up with her? She was awesome." Then I realized she wasn't real, and felt sad and more than a little stupid.
I really wish I could get my mind off of stuff like this. But the truth is my subconscious just won't, for whatever reason. Part of me doesn't want to stop thinking about this, because I think it's important, and I'm of the state of mind that you won't get anything unless you reach for it. It just doesn't feel right to me to wait for something to fall into my lap. Maybe it's the fact that I'm at the right age where....well, you know what I'm implying. Of course, another part of me realizes I come off as whiny, but please realize that I'm not whining, just stating how I feel. I'm not rolling back and forth in the kiddy pool expressing my disgust at my lack of swimming, but rather struggling in the pool and groaning aloud at my poor progress, if that makes it more clear. Man, I should call Katy. But it's been like a month and a half since I've talked to her, and she goes to Encinal...eh. Nothing ever goes my way in this game.
Godamnit.
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