I Blame It On The Necklace

For the past week or so, there has been a certain subject that has weighed heavily on my mind. Spending the weekend in Napa gave me a lot of time to think. Due to there being no electricity, there isn't much to do when the sun hides behind the mountains, and the land is covered in pitch black shadow. And not being able to sleep at seven o'clock, gave me a few hours to contemplate my situation. I don't know whether this site is the proper medium to express my feelings or not, but I needed to get them out for a change. Not being one who easily expresses feelings, I think twice about posting, but seeing as how a few people already know, I figured it wouldn't be so bad.

Anyway, to the topic at hand. " I blame it on the necklace." This alone should give you readers a thought of what this might pertain to. Yes, relationships. At the beginning of last week, Tuesday I believe, Megan and I had a talk. Now, previously, I talked with her on the phone and she told me she had some issues that she needed to talk about with her friends about our relationship. So naturally, I was a little nervous before meeting up with her. When I got to her house, she had been watching a movie, and to all of those who know her, you'd know that one can't really talk to her while she's entranced, so I watched with her, ever so anxious about what she had to tell me. At the movie's end, we talked and she eventually managed to tell me the news. Hesitantly and teary eyed, she told me that she had contemplated breaking up a few times, but didn't want to, and that she feels that she cares less for me than I do for her. I'm not quite sure what that means or why she told it to me. Her telling me makes me think that she isn't happy with the way things are and wants them to change, but I really don't know. I didn't say much after she had broken the news, I mostly thought to myself, trying to understand the situation. I found out much later that this, apparently, made her angry. I also didn't stay for too long after that. I couldn't. I needed some time to myself to try and recollect before I confront her again. Since then I hadn't really seen or talked to her. I want to, but there is never a good time. This isn't something I'd like to do over the phone. So, I'm writting this now, in hopes to better understand what's going on. I'm not quite sure how to feel about her right now. Hell, I love her to death and would do anything and everything for her, but right now, my feelings are confused and weigh heavily on me. She obviously doesn't feel thesame way toward me, and in finding out I had been thrown into somewhat of a depression. I had always seen her as someone who I could care for and would care for me in return. Someone who I could trust with everything. I let her in, told her things that I normally don't tell anyone, and now that image of her is gone. I'm left with nothing but a memory. I plan to talk with her soon, and straighten everything up, hoping to God that there was some kind of misunderstanding. Wish me luck.

PS I don't really blame that necklace for all of this. I just find it funny how all this shit happens when I decided to wear that God-forsaken item.

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