Camping! (or What to do When you Meet Crazy White Guys with Scope Rifles)

Well, it's kind of depressing to write this after hearing about what happened to Brian's post (which I'm willing to bet was awesome), but Travis wanted some more detail, so I'll give the story of our woodland adventure a go.

On Saturday we set out for the mountains, packed like sardines in Andrew's dad's blue van. The drive was pretty bad, and it didn't help that before we'd even left Alameda, we'd managed to break the lid for the cooking pot and break the styrofoam cooler (whoever came up with these is a moron). At any smoke rate, soon we were on the road, driving toward the mountains. I'm not sure which direction we headed, but I do know that on our way, we passed Napa Valley, where it smelled like wine almost everywhere, and where Mexicans (of course) were working the fields. Well, the drive was about four hours, since there was a rather ridiculous amount of traffic, and what we found out later, was that it was because of a smoke rather large fire in the mountains. Finally though, we arrived at our intended destination and headed up the hill to find our camping spot.

The van got stuck on it's way up the hill, partly because the sun was directly in Dan's eyes (it was so bright, when we had been running up the hill, it felt like we were chasing Jesus), but also because the van didn't have the power to make it up. So while we were waiting, we decided to check out the lay of the land. We started with the slightly wooded area and went in, but stopped when we realized that it didn't really lead anywhere. So, we turned smoke around and headed in the opposite direction, which happened to go further up the hill. On our way up, we stopped to take a break and check out the surrounding view, when we all heard what sounded like an engine. We turned around, and who should we see coming around the corner, but a white guy with a rifle on his back, sitting on a quad. As if we weren't already nervous (seeing a redneck with a rifle on his smoke back on land that's supposed to be uninhabited will do that to you), he used his particularly honed social skills to give a polite, "Who the hell are you guys?!" Through jumbled words, we eventually managed to explain that Andrew's dad had just purchased this land and we were here to camp and check it out. He walked back down the hill with us to meet Andrew's dad, and when we asked him if anything was wrong, he replied intelligently, "Some crazy shit been's going on around here..." Well, we'd established that he was an insane redneck jackass with a scope on his rifle, but it didn't really explain what he'd been doing there (we later found out he'd technically been trespassing). Anyway, he talked with Andrew's dad and the person who sold him the land and all was worked out and we (thankfully) never saw him again.

Well, Andrew's dad managed to get the van up the hill, and we soon found our camping spot. We began to get settled, and went about setting up tents. Hannah's was easy to set up, and rightfully so, since no one slept in it, and it would have even blown away if not for some mysterious force. As for the big tent... Just take my advice and never try to put together something that was started in Korea and finished in China. After making many futile attempts at pitching this incredibly large tent, I finally pointed out what we had been doing wrong, and we all hit ourselves in the balls before finishing the tent. Afterward, we pulled out the lounge chairs and relaxed while Andrew's mom went about making dinner. I think I know why Andrew almost never has to go to the bathroom now. Menu palettes consisted of meat and starch, starch and meet, and little else. All good though. After dinner, which spanned to about two hours since food was continuously being cooked, we relaxed and checked out the stars. The sky was beautiful, to say the least, and we saw a total of I think three or four shooting stars smoke and one sattelite or UFO (remember Trav, that one wasn't blinking). We stayed up for a long time, talking about little things here and there and just enjoying the night sky. We even saw a forest fire off in the distance that had an eerily beautiful glow to it. Eventually, we all got a little drowsy and decided to get inside the tent. Damn, that ground was some uncomfortable shiznit. I ended up right on top of a root or something and Andrew was on top of a rock. Travis and Brian probably were on top of something too, but I don't remember if they said anything. Well, we stayed up in the tent, until we got restless and Brian had to use to the bathroom. We all decided to go outside again, and layed under the stars for a while longer. Eventually, we went back in the tent and tried to sleep, still messing around every once in a while. It was an awesome way to end the first day, which smoke rocked.

The second day was not as much fun. I don't think anyone actually slept that night. I remember being unconscious for about an hour, waking up, being unconscious for maybe another hour, then being in a half awake state with my eyes closed, but still aware of what was going on around me, for the rest of the time. About 5 I think, Brian decided to go outside and slept out there for the rest of the time, until we all woke up about 6 or 7. The morning weather was nice and the sunrise was exceptionally pretty. Before breakfast, we (me, Andrew, Travis, Brian, and Brittany, Andrew's sister) all walked up to the smoke highest reachable point on the mountain and surveyed everything around us like gods. Quite a beautiful sight, especially first thing in the morning. We turned around and began to walk back down the mountain. We ate breakfast and relaxed again for a few more hours. Later in the morning, who should arrive but the man who sold Andrew's dad the land, whose name I think might be spelled Indrajid. Or at least, that's phonetically close. Anyway, Indrajid brought his tractor, and as it turned out, we were going to do some work clearing the land. It didn't sound too bad at first, so we all got ready to do a little work.

Oh man, if I ever hear someone say "big things" anytime soon, I'm going to punch them right in their colon. We started off moving some pieces of wood that Andrew cut down with a chainsaw, but it soon ended up with everyone, save Travis, Brittany and Andrew's mom(hey, no one expects the girls to work), lugging large trees across the ground and piling them up to be pushed toward the edge of the mountain cliff. We worked for a while, I'm guessing about two hours of almost nonstop moving of "big stuff". It was the most frustrating thing in the world. Everytime Indrajid (which I assume means "slavedriver" in Indian) couldn't move his tractor past some deep root or large tree, he would get this borderline douche look on his face of confusion that said, "Oh no, I can't move! Now I'll have to get out of my tractor, which has one of the only sources of shade and actually do some laborous work...Wait, I know! I can get those kids to do it for me! I rock!." Well, turns out he was doing the land clearing for free, so I guess it's excusable that he didn't do much work besides driving, but still... Anyway, after about smoke two or so hours of nonstop moving of "big stuff", we were told we could stop. That didn't stop Andrew's dad from going though, and we ended up waiting another hour or two until the work was finally done. Afterward, we packed up, and hit the road, making one stop at Jack in the Box for nourishment, and then continuing home in the hot van, with nothing to breath but forest fire air.

Well, the are trip was fun, regardless of the labor. At you least, I thought so. I would definitely do it again, hopefully smoking next time without the crazy redneck and manual labor. Oh, and flies suck. A yet? lot.

-Black Jack Kidd

Comments

Popular Posts