Hawaii: The Experience (Part 3 of 5)
I didn't wake up until 12 today. 12 California time, that is, which meant that when I finally dragged my ass downstairs, it was 9:37. Me and Oxie both talked a little longer than we probably should have.
When I did wake up, everyone was gone. I sat on the deck for awhile and watched people swim. More ugly people, save for one girl that I keep seeing reading by the pool. But she's a heavy smoker, something painfully unsexy to me. I go back inside and watch TV for 3 hours before my stepdad wakes up. Then I go upstairs on the computer and mess around on it for another few hours, mostly talking to Simone on AIM. My name on there is HBlarg, because apparently that's the only name left on AIM. After she ran off, I ate a tasty burrito and took a nap. I dreamed about Chris Issak songs, like "Somebody's Cryin'" and "Wicked Game". I don't know why, but since both of those are pretty downer songs (especiallly Wicked Game), I'm not in an upper mood when I awake.
Luau time. We leave around five, and my stepdad tells me to dress nicely. But he repacked half my stuff when he deemed my packing was unacceptable, and nothing nice made the cut. Goddamnit. Of course, I veg out on the computer while everyone else gets ready, since I'm already wearing what I'm going to wear. Ethan's having family issues back home, so he yells at someone as I listen to Seal and space out. Mmmm, Seal.
Finally we're on the road. We were supposed to be at the luau, which isn't too far away, at five, but for some reason we didn't leave until a little after. So of course when we got there, there was already a line 400 miles long heading in. Since the line is so long, they set up water and punch barrels to refresh everyone. Of course, the assholes at the front of the line let it all run into the grass. And there was more than one stand. Bastards. We take a obligatory picture by the ocean and then head into the luau.
The luau is fucking packed. There are easily 600 people around. Master of Ceremonies Warren Hawaii-Last-Name (hey, make one up yourself if you don't like that) opened up the show. Inside, I silently held a moment for the late Warren Zevon, creator of the song "Wherewolves in London," which as everyone knows is the best song ever made. We eat food, blah blah. Not too interesting. Then the show starts. CUE HULA GIRLS! I knew there were some hot people on the island, I just didn't realized they all worked for the hotels. I guess there are really only three jobs in Maui: mall employee (since all food stores are in malls too), hotel employee, and of course, golf course employee. Of course, the film in my camera is depleted en masse. There's a lot of dancing, a lot of Warren, and a lot of drinking. Warren says for everyone to lean over and kiss his/her sweetheart. I wish Simone was here.
Then Fire God Chief Seal steps out. This guy, being a deity of the eternal flame, of course steps out with a double torch, but only one end is lit. But that's okay, Flame Jesus Chief Seal just grabs the fire with his bare hands and carries it over to the other end and lights the torch like the incindiary pimp he is. Of course the fire grasping didn't hurt, since the legendary Chief Seal is impervious to damage. Then he starts spinning his shit around like crazy, because that's what lords of the flame do. Then some other guys come out with fire sticks, but they don't hold a candle to the Procreator of the Burning Light. Then, hula girls come out with fire and there is a big finale. We all leave, go home, and watch this program about guys in Clarksville, Arkansas (my stepdad's birthplace) getting shipped to Iraq. They all have a great sense of humor, and some of them get fucked up. Then I go on the computer, and the rest is history.
When I did wake up, everyone was gone. I sat on the deck for awhile and watched people swim. More ugly people, save for one girl that I keep seeing reading by the pool. But she's a heavy smoker, something painfully unsexy to me. I go back inside and watch TV for 3 hours before my stepdad wakes up. Then I go upstairs on the computer and mess around on it for another few hours, mostly talking to Simone on AIM. My name on there is HBlarg, because apparently that's the only name left on AIM. After she ran off, I ate a tasty burrito and took a nap. I dreamed about Chris Issak songs, like "Somebody's Cryin'" and "Wicked Game". I don't know why, but since both of those are pretty downer songs (especiallly Wicked Game), I'm not in an upper mood when I awake.
Luau time. We leave around five, and my stepdad tells me to dress nicely. But he repacked half my stuff when he deemed my packing was unacceptable, and nothing nice made the cut. Goddamnit. Of course, I veg out on the computer while everyone else gets ready, since I'm already wearing what I'm going to wear. Ethan's having family issues back home, so he yells at someone as I listen to Seal and space out. Mmmm, Seal.
Finally we're on the road. We were supposed to be at the luau, which isn't too far away, at five, but for some reason we didn't leave until a little after. So of course when we got there, there was already a line 400 miles long heading in. Since the line is so long, they set up water and punch barrels to refresh everyone. Of course, the assholes at the front of the line let it all run into the grass. And there was more than one stand. Bastards. We take a obligatory picture by the ocean and then head into the luau.
The luau is fucking packed. There are easily 600 people around. Master of Ceremonies Warren Hawaii-Last-Name (hey, make one up yourself if you don't like that) opened up the show. Inside, I silently held a moment for the late Warren Zevon, creator of the song "Wherewolves in London," which as everyone knows is the best song ever made. We eat food, blah blah. Not too interesting. Then the show starts. CUE HULA GIRLS! I knew there were some hot people on the island, I just didn't realized they all worked for the hotels. I guess there are really only three jobs in Maui: mall employee (since all food stores are in malls too), hotel employee, and of course, golf course employee. Of course, the film in my camera is depleted en masse. There's a lot of dancing, a lot of Warren, and a lot of drinking. Warren says for everyone to lean over and kiss his/her sweetheart. I wish Simone was here.
Then Fire God Chief Seal steps out. This guy, being a deity of the eternal flame, of course steps out with a double torch, but only one end is lit. But that's okay, Flame Jesus Chief Seal just grabs the fire with his bare hands and carries it over to the other end and lights the torch like the incindiary pimp he is. Of course the fire grasping didn't hurt, since the legendary Chief Seal is impervious to damage. Then he starts spinning his shit around like crazy, because that's what lords of the flame do. Then some other guys come out with fire sticks, but they don't hold a candle to the Procreator of the Burning Light. Then, hula girls come out with fire and there is a big finale. We all leave, go home, and watch this program about guys in Clarksville, Arkansas (my stepdad's birthplace) getting shipped to Iraq. They all have a great sense of humor, and some of them get fucked up. Then I go on the computer, and the rest is history.
Comments