Xbox Live is the Devil
Yes, that's right. Xbox Live is, in fact, the Dark Lord disguised in the form of internet fun. Now I know why I really got an Xbox. I hooked it up yesterday at around...4 PM? I played until 4 AM. 4 AM. There's so many fucking awesome features here, I don't know where to start.
Well, let's start with the headset. Unlike PS2's, which (in the few online games they have [that are fun, STFU]) you pressing down a button to get your three seconds of talk time, Live allows everyone to talk as much as they want the entire time. While this can be a formula for disaster, my experience with it so far has been great. There's nothing like working to take out a merc in Splinter Cell. That would be the only game I have tried on Live so far, BTW. Sometimes I get a creepy pedophile of a fucking partner, but most of the time I get someone who isn't bad. It also makes for a source of some hilarious stories, which come as handy distraction when you're pinned in a corner and about to die.
To be fair, a game like Splinter Cell on multiplayer really helps the experience. There's nothing like shimmying across a roof pole and sniping some poor bastard merc's mine as he's setting it and watching him sail across the room like a ballerena (except, you know, dead). Let's not also forget the spy bullets, which let me track these assholes on radar AND listen in their radiocommunications. The mercs have their fun as well. I caught a spy trying to ruin my shit, so I started shooting. he popped a smoke grenade and ran like a coward, so I charged through and headbutted him off the catwalk a story and a half down, where he got rifle-butted in the face by my ally before hitting the ground, very dead. No kidding. There's just so much cool shit in this game.
The gaming modes are fairly simple, and extremely difficult. There's Neutralization, where the spies have to get to the ND-133s (little green tubes resting on a silver base) and "neutralize them" (you hit some buttons in a sequence that takes about ten seconds, during which the tube pops out and the contents inside are fried). The merc's job is simple: stop the spies. But this is not as happy and easy as it sounds. Like I said, neutralizing takes ten seconds. That's ten seconds for a Merc to turn around and throw a grenade at you. And grenades love spies. If the Merc team is competent at all, even getting to the tubes will be a challenge. This isn't just some deathmatch. It's a very elaborate game of bait and switch. With...proximity mines. Yep, if you run to one of the NDs too fast, chances are the proxy mine that the merc planted earlier will spray your remains all over the walls. On top of that, the spies have pretty much nothing in the way of weapons department. If you try to take on a Merc head on, you will die. It's as simple as that. The mercs also have a disability, however: their system for seeing people is hard to use. While the spies get night vision on levels where entire rooms are pitch fucking black, the mercs get motion trackers and flashlights. Flashlights. They also get electromagnetic trackers, but any spy who isn't an idiot doesn't use gadgets long enough to get spotted with dat. There's also Extraction (I think that's what it is called), where the spies have to jack the tubes and bring them to their spawn point for extraction. Again, the merc's have to gun them down mercilessly, although in this setting the spies have infinite lives because it's so fucking hard. The last mode, which I can't recall the name of (no one plays it, because it's too convoluted) has spies setting up modems and hacking the ND-133s. I don't get it either. The mercs as always have to ruin the spies' shit.
This is where it gets interesting, though. Last night for three hours I played tag. The concept is simple: Three spies with one life each, and one merc with three lives. The spies' job is to survive and/or kill the merc. The first spy killed by the merc is the merc the next round. The challenge here is that unless you catch said merc planting explosives, the only way to kill him is to sneak up behind him and snap his neck like so many styrofoam pieces. This is where the paranoia gets high, ESPECIALLY if the merc is good. If the merc is good, this game setting is like living the movie Predator. No shit. What usually happens, however, is the merc is the spy who just started playing the game and is hence a bad merc too. Therefore, my spy allies and me (I never die first) have no choice but to capture him from behind and taunt him while he flails around for oxygen before inevitably choking to death. That, or electrocute the shit out of him, which pisses EVERY MERC EVER off.
All in all I would have to say last night was a blast. Of course, I mean that in more than one sense of the word. My room is now trashed with Mountain Dew cans and empty chip bags, and I've blasted any chance at getting some decent guitar practice in as well. Also, I feel like someone hit me in the back of the head since I only got 2 hours of sleep. As if that weren't enough, I also had the most bizzare fucking dream. This Arab guy starts dancing around with this huge smile and a theme song starts: "It's Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Everyone knows it's Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Fha-jjad!" Then a gigantic lighted Fhajjad! banner flies by. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. They can't all be intriguing.
Well, let's start with the headset. Unlike PS2's, which (in the few online games they have [that are fun, STFU]) you pressing down a button to get your three seconds of talk time, Live allows everyone to talk as much as they want the entire time. While this can be a formula for disaster, my experience with it so far has been great. There's nothing like working to take out a merc in Splinter Cell. That would be the only game I have tried on Live so far, BTW. Sometimes I get a creepy pedophile of a fucking partner, but most of the time I get someone who isn't bad. It also makes for a source of some hilarious stories, which come as handy distraction when you're pinned in a corner and about to die.
To be fair, a game like Splinter Cell on multiplayer really helps the experience. There's nothing like shimmying across a roof pole and sniping some poor bastard merc's mine as he's setting it and watching him sail across the room like a ballerena (except, you know, dead). Let's not also forget the spy bullets, which let me track these assholes on radar AND listen in their radiocommunications. The mercs have their fun as well. I caught a spy trying to ruin my shit, so I started shooting. he popped a smoke grenade and ran like a coward, so I charged through and headbutted him off the catwalk a story and a half down, where he got rifle-butted in the face by my ally before hitting the ground, very dead. No kidding. There's just so much cool shit in this game.
The gaming modes are fairly simple, and extremely difficult. There's Neutralization, where the spies have to get to the ND-133s (little green tubes resting on a silver base) and "neutralize them" (you hit some buttons in a sequence that takes about ten seconds, during which the tube pops out and the contents inside are fried). The merc's job is simple: stop the spies. But this is not as happy and easy as it sounds. Like I said, neutralizing takes ten seconds. That's ten seconds for a Merc to turn around and throw a grenade at you. And grenades love spies. If the Merc team is competent at all, even getting to the tubes will be a challenge. This isn't just some deathmatch. It's a very elaborate game of bait and switch. With...proximity mines. Yep, if you run to one of the NDs too fast, chances are the proxy mine that the merc planted earlier will spray your remains all over the walls. On top of that, the spies have pretty much nothing in the way of weapons department. If you try to take on a Merc head on, you will die. It's as simple as that. The mercs also have a disability, however: their system for seeing people is hard to use. While the spies get night vision on levels where entire rooms are pitch fucking black, the mercs get motion trackers and flashlights. Flashlights. They also get electromagnetic trackers, but any spy who isn't an idiot doesn't use gadgets long enough to get spotted with dat. There's also Extraction (I think that's what it is called), where the spies have to jack the tubes and bring them to their spawn point for extraction. Again, the merc's have to gun them down mercilessly, although in this setting the spies have infinite lives because it's so fucking hard. The last mode, which I can't recall the name of (no one plays it, because it's too convoluted) has spies setting up modems and hacking the ND-133s. I don't get it either. The mercs as always have to ruin the spies' shit.
This is where it gets interesting, though. Last night for three hours I played tag. The concept is simple: Three spies with one life each, and one merc with three lives. The spies' job is to survive and/or kill the merc. The first spy killed by the merc is the merc the next round. The challenge here is that unless you catch said merc planting explosives, the only way to kill him is to sneak up behind him and snap his neck like so many styrofoam pieces. This is where the paranoia gets high, ESPECIALLY if the merc is good. If the merc is good, this game setting is like living the movie Predator. No shit. What usually happens, however, is the merc is the spy who just started playing the game and is hence a bad merc too. Therefore, my spy allies and me (I never die first) have no choice but to capture him from behind and taunt him while he flails around for oxygen before inevitably choking to death. That, or electrocute the shit out of him, which pisses EVERY MERC EVER off.
All in all I would have to say last night was a blast. Of course, I mean that in more than one sense of the word. My room is now trashed with Mountain Dew cans and empty chip bags, and I've blasted any chance at getting some decent guitar practice in as well. Also, I feel like someone hit me in the back of the head since I only got 2 hours of sleep. As if that weren't enough, I also had the most bizzare fucking dream. This Arab guy starts dancing around with this huge smile and a theme song starts: "It's Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Everyone knows it's Fhajjad! Fhajjad! Fha-jjad!" Then a gigantic lighted Fhajjad! banner flies by. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. They can't all be intriguing.
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