Oh Fuck That

So I had the most bizzare fucking dream the other day. What was crazy about it was how lucid it was. I'll get to its content in a second. It was so fucking real that I wonder if there's some kind of hidden meaning behind it. Anyhow, I'm sure you guys are tired of me dragging out her name and whatever image and thoughts accompany it, but yes, it was about Rebecca. Now, I am so done with even knowing her, you wouldn't believe, which is why this dream strikes me as all the more terrifying. Anyway, on to the point. It started off in a hallway much like the Judo hallway, but much darker (it was basically shadowed on all sides). Fuck it, I'll do this is present tense. So I hear a scream. It's a little indistinct, but I can tell it's her. I start to run down the hall, but I'm moving in slow motion, and no matter how hard I strain, I barely move at all. On top of that, the hallway just seems to be getting longer. After runnning forever, the hallway ends in a box instead of the usual L. No Rebecca. But there IS a blood stain on the floor. I'm not sure whose it is, because I don't really want to come to the obvious conclusion. There's a man standing in the corner with his back faced to me, wiping off his hands. Though he is covered with shadows, I still recognize him as her boyfriend. "What the hell happened? What did you do?" I scream, but he doesn't answer. He instead turns around and points a gun at me. Before I can respond, I can see the gun recoiling, and the bullet is in my chest. It knocks me off my feet and flat on the ground. All of this happens in slow motion. Then he disappears, and the ceiling tears open, reavealing a deep azure sky. The walls follow suit, and suddenly I'm laying in a field under a perfect sky, gasping for air. I can feel myself slipping, my breath is ragged and there's no hope for me.

And that's when I woke up. I have dreams involving my death all the time, so it's no big deal. It's an urban legend that if you die in your sleep, then you also die in reality. The exception is when you dream that you are drowning (which I have), in which case your body physically stops breathing because it believes it is in water. Your heart usually pulls you out of those, albeit in pain. But this dream was different. Everything about it was so real. Before, it has always been third person, me watching me do whatever. But this one felt like I closed my eyes and came to in that hallway. It was absolutely terrifying.

Oxie and I talked about this a night or two ago wondering if it meant anything. To be honest, I really really hope my mind is just fucking with me, but on the other hand, if it means that something bad is going to happen then I might have a chance to stop it. But then, what if I'm already too late? What if the hallway signifies that I won't make it (whatever it entails) in time? What if her life really is in danger, or even worse, my own? As much as I wish she would disappear from my life, I don't wish it that way, and to be honest, I seriously doubt I would handle her death well. But then what if the blood is a metaphor for something other than death? After all, I'm the only one who died, to my knowledge. What does it all mean, damnit? This is really irking me.