Elvis Didn't Do No Drugs
So I had another fucking bizarre dream, although this one isn't so...I dunno, relevant? Anyway, on to the story.
So, I'm standing outside my dad's house (what's with this? I don't get all this thinking about...nevermind) and it's pouring rain. Of course, I'm wearing my sweatshirt, with the hood up. Of course, for some reason (since I'm seeing this in third perspective) I didn't realize it was me for a while. It's incredibly gloomy, and I'm soaked. I open the door and walk in. The place doesn't look any different than normal. Let me describe the place in a little detail so that you can better understand what I'm seeing. The door opens basically directly into the living room, with a chimney on the left wall. Since the house's entrance is on the leftmost side of the structure, it should be easier to describe. Anyhow, after the chimney ends, the wall keeps going out of the living room and forming part of a hallway that is directly connected. The hallway is carpeted, more like an extension of the living room then an exit. It ends maybe fifteen feet away from where it begins at a glass door, which opens to reveal the backyard, but that's not really important yet. Said hallway is cluttered with shelves, a couch, a kid pen (for lack of a better description), and a broken computer. Directly to the right of me (since I'm standing in the doorway, if you will recall) is the kitchen, separated by a white wall. Of course, if I were to walk forward three steps, the doorway leading into the kitchen would solve the entrance problem. The living room has two couches, one facing the kitchen and the other sitting opposite to the first (think about it). If the chimney were the left side of the box that is the living room, then the entertainment center would be the right side, with a doorway leading to the rest of the house on both sides. Another doorway to the kitchen faces the right side of the entertainment center. In addition, a little island (Google it if you don't know what a kitchen island looks like) makes a wall between the two kitchen entryways. If you were facing the kitchen from the middle of the living room, you would see the dinner table on the right side, another island offcenter from the left, and the counters, fridge, and various other kitchen things on the left to back wall. I'm sorry if this is convoluted but you really won't get what I'm saying unless we get through this first. Actually, fuck it, I'll draw a picture:
Okay, now that I've officially gotten my Clue on I can stop this description nonsense. Anyways, once in the doorway I take off my sweatshirt. Wait, what? Underneath, I'm wearing a black jacket and a black shirt and I have, of all things, a knife in a holster at my side. Yeah. So anyways, the house is dark. No lights are on, and the only source of radiance is the windows, which face the storm that I mentioned earlier. I don't think I need to elaborate. Instead of shouting, "Hello?!? WTF?" I walk into the kitchen. I hear a strange noise coming from behind the island, like there's something leaning against the fridge just out of sight. I pull out my knife instinctively. Apparently I'm a violent person. Whatever the thing is, it sounds like it's eating. I see a thin line of dark crimson blood slide across the floor from the island. I decide to go around the right side of the island, to see if I can sneak up on whatever this thing is. I flip the knife in my hand so that I can stab downward with it. What I see is absolutely horrifying. It's an brown, hairy...beast, chewing on a bloody hunk of raw meat. I don't have to think twice to know that it's human (the meat). Suddenly, the creature is aware that I'm standing there in horror, and swipes me to the ground with his tail while simultaneous leaping in the air. The effect is that we switch places, except instead of me being on all fours I'm on my back, and the thing quickly lunges for my throat. I managed to flip the knife again and stab the beast in the chest. It flails and screams in fury and falls beside me. I get up, pull out the knife, wipe the blood off my face and get ready to finish it off. Suddenly, the window behind me explodes open and another one of these things lunges in. But somehow I'm ready for it, and I spin and throw the knife directly into where I assume its heart is. That must be its weak spot, because the thing instantly burns and disintegrates into ashes in mid air, blowing its remnants in all directions in a fiery flash. My knife, an onyx-bladed ancient looking thing, clatters to the ground. I pick it up and wipe the blood off the blade, which quickly ignites and burns as it makes contact with my shirt. I turn around to get back to the task at hand, but the creature is gone. However, in its wake is a burning puddle of blood.
By this point I'm sure you can tell this is a nightmare. Before I continue, let me address a point that may be bothering you. I thought dreams were impossible to remember? Well, in normal sleep, that would be true. I've had a few dreams in normal sleep where I have awoken, and everything was crystal clear in my mind: what happened, everything. However, within the space of ten seconds, it all disappears, like instant amnesia, and I end up trying in futility to piece it all back together for the rest of the day. The dreams I usually have, however, occur after sleep. During the long wake up process in which I am half conscious. While I don't have any kind of scientific basis (do you really need one?), you're just gonna have to go with my word that I do remember these occurrences, since I believe the portion of me that is awake is responsible for the entire dream sequence and the following remembrance of it.
Anyhow, back to what I was saying. At this point I'm freaked out. This thing could jump out from any where at any angle and swipe my head off. I saw its agility earlier. I slowly move into the living room through the right side entrance. Absolute dead silence. I turn right and start heading down the hall, towards my room. The laundry room door is made of stone, and has no knob. In other words, unopenable and irrelevant. Just as I start to approach my door, the beast pops out from the hallway to the left and takes a swipe at my head. Trust me when I say this is the most startling shit ever. I somehow manage to dodge it, and try to swipe back. He knocks the blade out of my hand and into the wall knifepoint first, sinking it in. The wall around where the knife enters rots and blackens. I grab the nearest thing I can find - a framed picture - and throw it in the beast's face. I'm sure you can imagine that the effect was akin to bitchslapping it. That is, NO effect. At this point he is around the corner and directly in front of me (you can imagine that I have taken a few steps back). He lunges off the wall into a dive directly at me. I duck, spin, grab the knife, and throw it. The beast has recovered and turned to face me at that moment, and the blade sinks directly between his eyes. He immeadiately bursts into black flames, then melts into ash, leaving nothing but my knife hovering in air. The knife is stuck in some kind of blood red orb, and the ashes start swirling around me. I try to pull the knife out of the orb, but it's stuck. The knife starts to turn blood red like the orb, and suddenly it is released. I fall back and the knife spins out of my hands, turning into liquid in mid-air and splashing against my door. The ashes around me drop to the ground. The blood slowly turns into some kind of writing. I can't read it, it's in some kind of weird language. However, looking at it, an image of a really fucking evil pair of eyes flashes through my mind, and suddenly the blood reads, "Fool". Then it burns through the door, leaving a giant black scar. I shit you not. Now without a knife, I move for the door, totally forgetting the orb behind me. At this point I'm physically unaware that I'm dreaming, and all of this seems real enough to where I'm desperately trying to warn myself of the orb, which has grow and taken my form, that stands behind me. Of course, I'm oblivious to my screams, and I watch in horror as the liquid me slides up the wall and waits on the ceiling as I enter my room.
The room is bare, with the exception of my little brother, who is chained to the far wall. As I head closer to him, he warns me to get away. "I can't control reality any longer," he screams, but for some reason I can't understand him. Understand that while I am seeing things from an outside perspective, I can still feel what my physical self is thinking. We're connected one way; I experience everything that is happening to him, but he is oblivious to me. I draw closer to Travis, who is now screaming at the top of his lungs, "Turn back! You'll break the illusion!" But I can't hear him, and I don't know what the fuck that is supposed to mean. Suddenly, I'm within arms reach, and he blackens into a shadow. Then he turns into some kind of wicked looking thing, and he moves through the chains and grabs me, wrapping his arms and legs around my body. He whispers something into my ear; for some reason I can't hear what he says. Or maybe when shadows talk you have to listen to the lack of sound. Anyhow, I know what happens next. I utter something, and the shadow tries to gnaw through my neck. Before he can get his dagger-sharp teeth at my neck, however, I burst into a blinding stream of light, filling the whole room with brightness. The shadow screams with a piercing silence. Then the room goes black, and I bend over, clutching my chest, where the last of the light is fading. I can also see angel wings shrinking into my back, the light no longer sustaining them. I stand back up in the pitch black darkness, and face the door. It has returned to normal (don't ask how I can see in the dark), the letters and the burns faded. I kick the door, and it flies off its hinges, flying down the hall and into the living room before fading into nothingness. I walk down the hallway to the right, past the bathroom and my dad's room. I look...aged, like I've been drained of life. Where Rachel's room should be, there is nothing. I look at Rebecca's door. It looks normal, except for the fact that the top just keeps going up and up, as if the house continually stretches upward as I look up. I open the door into a realm I can't really describe. It's very hazy, and full of flashbacks. It's not really a room so much as it's an extension of my mind, and different portions of my life flash by at different speeds everywhere I look. It is magnificent and terrifying at the same time. I turn around to get out, because I feel so trapped, so isolated. The room is making me sick. I can't find the exit. I start running, through my memories, interrupting my past so that I can get back to the present. I keep hearing things in my head, things I've thought, things I've said, but mostly things I've regretted. One thing that persists to stick with me is the fact that I still can't believe I actually explained what "on the rebound" means to Danielle. I feel like an ass about that in reality, but here it just keeps playing through my head, and I can't make it shut up. Then the letter I read to Rebecca goes by. I stop running and look for that one specifically. It happened when I read it over the phone, as you'll recall. I can see myself sitting in the chair. I grab myself as I start saying it and scream, "Shut up! Shut up, you fucking fool!" But it's as if I'm not even grabbing me, and I continue to read even though I'm being choked by me. I reach into my coat and pull out a gun and just start shooting everything. I shoot the phone and the hand holding it into oblivion. That gets my attention, and my other self turns and looks at me with a pitying look. "Do you really think you can stop the inevitable?" he asks, and I just sink to my knees. When I look up, someone stands before me. I know who it is, but I don't. I recognize the person, even though they have no recognizable features. It starts speaking, and things just start flashing through my head, so fast that I can't recognize any of it. Then I come to a realization, stand up and turn around, pointing my gun behind me. The orb of my reflection does the same. No banter passes between us, though thousands of the most cliche lines I've ever heard during face offs flash through my mind. I imagine he challenges me to kill him, but no words pass. Suddenly, I can't tell if I'm the shadow or if I'm me. I'm in first person, the transition seamless. I can't see anything, but I know nothing has changed. There's only one way out. I pull the trigger, and the bullet moves incredibly slowly. I can see it moving forwards, tearing away the darkness around it. The bullet goes straight for my shadow's head, and when it impacts, the head bursts open, rays of light shooting in all directions. Suddenly, I can see a pathway out of the madness opening in the shadow's chest, and I leap through. I'm back in the hallway, and fire is following right behind me. I run for the living room, cut right, and head towards the glass door. The fire keeps shifting into other forms; a wave of those beasts, a swarm of bees, the cold, yearning arms of the undead, always changing. I shoot the glass out and just jump through the opening. I turn right, and a black flood of dark blood gushes after me. I run down the sideyard; at the end there is a fence. It is still pouring rain outside, but there's some kind of light from the other side. I dive through the fence, and to my surprise, I am not back on the drive way. As I fly out, I look down and see nothing but emptiness, getting darker and darker as it goes lower, until I can see nothing but black. I flail helplessly and scream at the top of my lungs. The blood just plummets as it reaches the ledge. Now everything is stopped. I look up. There is a light, but it is fading fast. I slowly turn around. Another one of those beasts, this time made entirely of blood and black fire, reaches out to claw me in the face. I scream, everything flashes white, and I wake up.
I sat up in a cold sweat, and looked at the clock. It was 1:30ish, I can't remember for some reason. My heart pounded so hard that I felt like it could burst out of my chest. Worst. Dream. EVER.
So I hope you had fun journeying into one of my fucking psychotic dreams. I know I didn't.
Oh yeah, and I thought of a great skit for Happy Pills, Travis. Imagine me and you do coverage (like Madden and Summeral) of say, Andrew and Meagan fighting. It came to me when I was taking a crap, and the weirdest fucking line popped into my head:
"Pack your bags Tuazon, (like Gamble pronounced it) you're going on a guilt trip."
I laughed my ass off.
So, I'm standing outside my dad's house (what's with this? I don't get all this thinking about...nevermind) and it's pouring rain. Of course, I'm wearing my sweatshirt, with the hood up. Of course, for some reason (since I'm seeing this in third perspective) I didn't realize it was me for a while. It's incredibly gloomy, and I'm soaked. I open the door and walk in. The place doesn't look any different than normal. Let me describe the place in a little detail so that you can better understand what I'm seeing. The door opens basically directly into the living room, with a chimney on the left wall. Since the house's entrance is on the leftmost side of the structure, it should be easier to describe. Anyhow, after the chimney ends, the wall keeps going out of the living room and forming part of a hallway that is directly connected. The hallway is carpeted, more like an extension of the living room then an exit. It ends maybe fifteen feet away from where it begins at a glass door, which opens to reveal the backyard, but that's not really important yet. Said hallway is cluttered with shelves, a couch, a kid pen (for lack of a better description), and a broken computer. Directly to the right of me (since I'm standing in the doorway, if you will recall) is the kitchen, separated by a white wall. Of course, if I were to walk forward three steps, the doorway leading into the kitchen would solve the entrance problem. The living room has two couches, one facing the kitchen and the other sitting opposite to the first (think about it). If the chimney were the left side of the box that is the living room, then the entertainment center would be the right side, with a doorway leading to the rest of the house on both sides. Another doorway to the kitchen faces the right side of the entertainment center. In addition, a little island (Google it if you don't know what a kitchen island looks like) makes a wall between the two kitchen entryways. If you were facing the kitchen from the middle of the living room, you would see the dinner table on the right side, another island offcenter from the left, and the counters, fridge, and various other kitchen things on the left to back wall. I'm sorry if this is convoluted but you really won't get what I'm saying unless we get through this first. Actually, fuck it, I'll draw a picture:
Okay, now that I've officially gotten my Clue on I can stop this description nonsense. Anyways, once in the doorway I take off my sweatshirt. Wait, what? Underneath, I'm wearing a black jacket and a black shirt and I have, of all things, a knife in a holster at my side. Yeah. So anyways, the house is dark. No lights are on, and the only source of radiance is the windows, which face the storm that I mentioned earlier. I don't think I need to elaborate. Instead of shouting, "Hello?!? WTF?" I walk into the kitchen. I hear a strange noise coming from behind the island, like there's something leaning against the fridge just out of sight. I pull out my knife instinctively. Apparently I'm a violent person. Whatever the thing is, it sounds like it's eating. I see a thin line of dark crimson blood slide across the floor from the island. I decide to go around the right side of the island, to see if I can sneak up on whatever this thing is. I flip the knife in my hand so that I can stab downward with it. What I see is absolutely horrifying. It's an brown, hairy...beast, chewing on a bloody hunk of raw meat. I don't have to think twice to know that it's human (the meat). Suddenly, the creature is aware that I'm standing there in horror, and swipes me to the ground with his tail while simultaneous leaping in the air. The effect is that we switch places, except instead of me being on all fours I'm on my back, and the thing quickly lunges for my throat. I managed to flip the knife again and stab the beast in the chest. It flails and screams in fury and falls beside me. I get up, pull out the knife, wipe the blood off my face and get ready to finish it off. Suddenly, the window behind me explodes open and another one of these things lunges in. But somehow I'm ready for it, and I spin and throw the knife directly into where I assume its heart is. That must be its weak spot, because the thing instantly burns and disintegrates into ashes in mid air, blowing its remnants in all directions in a fiery flash. My knife, an onyx-bladed ancient looking thing, clatters to the ground. I pick it up and wipe the blood off the blade, which quickly ignites and burns as it makes contact with my shirt. I turn around to get back to the task at hand, but the creature is gone. However, in its wake is a burning puddle of blood.
By this point I'm sure you can tell this is a nightmare. Before I continue, let me address a point that may be bothering you. I thought dreams were impossible to remember? Well, in normal sleep, that would be true. I've had a few dreams in normal sleep where I have awoken, and everything was crystal clear in my mind: what happened, everything. However, within the space of ten seconds, it all disappears, like instant amnesia, and I end up trying in futility to piece it all back together for the rest of the day. The dreams I usually have, however, occur after sleep. During the long wake up process in which I am half conscious. While I don't have any kind of scientific basis (do you really need one?), you're just gonna have to go with my word that I do remember these occurrences, since I believe the portion of me that is awake is responsible for the entire dream sequence and the following remembrance of it.
Anyhow, back to what I was saying. At this point I'm freaked out. This thing could jump out from any where at any angle and swipe my head off. I saw its agility earlier. I slowly move into the living room through the right side entrance. Absolute dead silence. I turn right and start heading down the hall, towards my room. The laundry room door is made of stone, and has no knob. In other words, unopenable and irrelevant. Just as I start to approach my door, the beast pops out from the hallway to the left and takes a swipe at my head. Trust me when I say this is the most startling shit ever. I somehow manage to dodge it, and try to swipe back. He knocks the blade out of my hand and into the wall knifepoint first, sinking it in. The wall around where the knife enters rots and blackens. I grab the nearest thing I can find - a framed picture - and throw it in the beast's face. I'm sure you can imagine that the effect was akin to bitchslapping it. That is, NO effect. At this point he is around the corner and directly in front of me (you can imagine that I have taken a few steps back). He lunges off the wall into a dive directly at me. I duck, spin, grab the knife, and throw it. The beast has recovered and turned to face me at that moment, and the blade sinks directly between his eyes. He immeadiately bursts into black flames, then melts into ash, leaving nothing but my knife hovering in air. The knife is stuck in some kind of blood red orb, and the ashes start swirling around me. I try to pull the knife out of the orb, but it's stuck. The knife starts to turn blood red like the orb, and suddenly it is released. I fall back and the knife spins out of my hands, turning into liquid in mid-air and splashing against my door. The ashes around me drop to the ground. The blood slowly turns into some kind of writing. I can't read it, it's in some kind of weird language. However, looking at it, an image of a really fucking evil pair of eyes flashes through my mind, and suddenly the blood reads, "Fool". Then it burns through the door, leaving a giant black scar. I shit you not. Now without a knife, I move for the door, totally forgetting the orb behind me. At this point I'm physically unaware that I'm dreaming, and all of this seems real enough to where I'm desperately trying to warn myself of the orb, which has grow and taken my form, that stands behind me. Of course, I'm oblivious to my screams, and I watch in horror as the liquid me slides up the wall and waits on the ceiling as I enter my room.
The room is bare, with the exception of my little brother, who is chained to the far wall. As I head closer to him, he warns me to get away. "I can't control reality any longer," he screams, but for some reason I can't understand him. Understand that while I am seeing things from an outside perspective, I can still feel what my physical self is thinking. We're connected one way; I experience everything that is happening to him, but he is oblivious to me. I draw closer to Travis, who is now screaming at the top of his lungs, "Turn back! You'll break the illusion!" But I can't hear him, and I don't know what the fuck that is supposed to mean. Suddenly, I'm within arms reach, and he blackens into a shadow. Then he turns into some kind of wicked looking thing, and he moves through the chains and grabs me, wrapping his arms and legs around my body. He whispers something into my ear; for some reason I can't hear what he says. Or maybe when shadows talk you have to listen to the lack of sound. Anyhow, I know what happens next. I utter something, and the shadow tries to gnaw through my neck. Before he can get his dagger-sharp teeth at my neck, however, I burst into a blinding stream of light, filling the whole room with brightness. The shadow screams with a piercing silence. Then the room goes black, and I bend over, clutching my chest, where the last of the light is fading. I can also see angel wings shrinking into my back, the light no longer sustaining them. I stand back up in the pitch black darkness, and face the door. It has returned to normal (don't ask how I can see in the dark), the letters and the burns faded. I kick the door, and it flies off its hinges, flying down the hall and into the living room before fading into nothingness. I walk down the hallway to the right, past the bathroom and my dad's room. I look...aged, like I've been drained of life. Where Rachel's room should be, there is nothing. I look at Rebecca's door. It looks normal, except for the fact that the top just keeps going up and up, as if the house continually stretches upward as I look up. I open the door into a realm I can't really describe. It's very hazy, and full of flashbacks. It's not really a room so much as it's an extension of my mind, and different portions of my life flash by at different speeds everywhere I look. It is magnificent and terrifying at the same time. I turn around to get out, because I feel so trapped, so isolated. The room is making me sick. I can't find the exit. I start running, through my memories, interrupting my past so that I can get back to the present. I keep hearing things in my head, things I've thought, things I've said, but mostly things I've regretted. One thing that persists to stick with me is the fact that I still can't believe I actually explained what "on the rebound" means to Danielle. I feel like an ass about that in reality, but here it just keeps playing through my head, and I can't make it shut up. Then the letter I read to Rebecca goes by. I stop running and look for that one specifically. It happened when I read it over the phone, as you'll recall. I can see myself sitting in the chair. I grab myself as I start saying it and scream, "Shut up! Shut up, you fucking fool!" But it's as if I'm not even grabbing me, and I continue to read even though I'm being choked by me. I reach into my coat and pull out a gun and just start shooting everything. I shoot the phone and the hand holding it into oblivion. That gets my attention, and my other self turns and looks at me with a pitying look. "Do you really think you can stop the inevitable?" he asks, and I just sink to my knees. When I look up, someone stands before me. I know who it is, but I don't. I recognize the person, even though they have no recognizable features. It starts speaking, and things just start flashing through my head, so fast that I can't recognize any of it. Then I come to a realization, stand up and turn around, pointing my gun behind me. The orb of my reflection does the same. No banter passes between us, though thousands of the most cliche lines I've ever heard during face offs flash through my mind. I imagine he challenges me to kill him, but no words pass. Suddenly, I can't tell if I'm the shadow or if I'm me. I'm in first person, the transition seamless. I can't see anything, but I know nothing has changed. There's only one way out. I pull the trigger, and the bullet moves incredibly slowly. I can see it moving forwards, tearing away the darkness around it. The bullet goes straight for my shadow's head, and when it impacts, the head bursts open, rays of light shooting in all directions. Suddenly, I can see a pathway out of the madness opening in the shadow's chest, and I leap through. I'm back in the hallway, and fire is following right behind me. I run for the living room, cut right, and head towards the glass door. The fire keeps shifting into other forms; a wave of those beasts, a swarm of bees, the cold, yearning arms of the undead, always changing. I shoot the glass out and just jump through the opening. I turn right, and a black flood of dark blood gushes after me. I run down the sideyard; at the end there is a fence. It is still pouring rain outside, but there's some kind of light from the other side. I dive through the fence, and to my surprise, I am not back on the drive way. As I fly out, I look down and see nothing but emptiness, getting darker and darker as it goes lower, until I can see nothing but black. I flail helplessly and scream at the top of my lungs. The blood just plummets as it reaches the ledge. Now everything is stopped. I look up. There is a light, but it is fading fast. I slowly turn around. Another one of those beasts, this time made entirely of blood and black fire, reaches out to claw me in the face. I scream, everything flashes white, and I wake up.
I sat up in a cold sweat, and looked at the clock. It was 1:30ish, I can't remember for some reason. My heart pounded so hard that I felt like it could burst out of my chest. Worst. Dream. EVER.
So I hope you had fun journeying into one of my fucking psychotic dreams. I know I didn't.
Oh yeah, and I thought of a great skit for Happy Pills, Travis. Imagine me and you do coverage (like Madden and Summeral) of say, Andrew and Meagan fighting. It came to me when I was taking a crap, and the weirdest fucking line popped into my head:
"Pack your bags Tuazon, (like Gamble pronounced it) you're going on a guilt trip."
I laughed my ass off.
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