A Long Time in Between
Sigh* It seems like forever since I've had something to say and heck, it's been a while since I even bothered to read the entries. However, today, with the copious amounts of time I had since it was a hlf day, I decided to read through the archives, and one thing that I found highly amusing were the musings on the "fairer sex".
While Lucio's entry on the need for intimacy touched a few points, overall, I found myself in disagreement. It is just like the way my parents criticize me as ,"cold and inhuman". And I have to agree. I do suffer from this emotional constipation that just shoves aside and smothers my emotions. It has been a while since I've felt true anger, true joy, true depression and true compassion. When I argue with my parents, it feels like more a chore than a spontaneous conflagration of emotional highs. It comes to a point that when we're arguing, I start drifting off with no attention paid despite the ear shattering decibels with which my mother berates me with. I start thinking of the patterns on the stucco wall and shift the focus of my eyes so what looks like the continent of America suddenly resembles a dog taking a piss on hydrant next to the blob.
Anyways, back to the subject of the fairer sex. I suppose now's a better time than anytime to start my story, beginning with piecemeal memories as a child and progressing to the blended days of youth and the emptiness of the present. And as all good stories go, I shall begin at the beginning. I was born in the winter month of December on the 22nd of 1987, of course I had no memories of my New York home. Flashforward perhaps two years and I remember my first Halloween celebration in Hong Kong. There was free Haagen Daaz ice cream.
Then again another memory, this time in Singapore when I was in the first grade. I think I was in phys ed and the teacher was talking and I pissed my pants. It was an odd odd feeling, very odd. First time I ever pissed my pants in front of the class, last time too. I even remember telling the teach that I just couldn't hold it anymore. One thing to be clear though at this time was that I was a popular kid ( oooooOOOooooo) or at least I think I was and I had fun. Now comes the really interesting portion of these Singaporean memories, there was this one girl who was just absolutely gorgeous ( keep in mind that this was in 2nd? 3rd? grade) and I think I said I wanted to kiss her. How odd. Now in third grade, I had this horrible chinese teacher, and I was the General of the resistance. Sitting in the back of the class, I would sneak out with two or three others in the middle of the lecture to go drink from the water fountion. ( He would never let us go, so this was the ultimate form of fighting back). He caught us once and disciplined us( you know, the traditional asian discipline, pull the kid up by the hari, make them pull their ears down, forc'em to sit in the horse stance, caning, all the good stuff) and the next day I put a tack on his chair. He sat on it and I got caught... How? I started laughing
Then came the day I transferred schools and it was never quite the same. I moved to a "better" school. ( this reminds me, I gotta show you guys this movie " I not stupid" which pretty much captures school life in Singapore) There I had grades and stuff but was already on the path to becoming a single person. Everyone was well established there with one another and there was just no room for me to fit in.
Of course, knowing my luck, after fourth grade I moved to Queens, New York in a rather Jewish neighborhood. There was a Kosher burger place, a kosher pizza place, a kosher convenience store, a kosher hair cutting place with a mural of moses and the Ten Commandments on the side as well as a Jewish school not too far away. The school was next to a cemetery. As I'm fond of saying, I learnt nothing in both 5th and 6th grade. It was more a daycare for preadolescents than a school. WE had these packets every month with 20 some odd activities ranging from ( decorate a turkey card in November) to write a poem about the color yellow ( October) to use these vocabulary words in a story. Since this was generally not fun, I became the back stage person for the school. It's surprising how a lower class public school in the middle of Queens has a better auditorium than the one we have ( Koffman doesnt count) and I would play the tapes for the kindergarten kids on rainy days and run the sound systems for the musicals. Best thing about it was that we used wireless back then already. There'd also be choruses and songs for the holidays, we sang weird songs like Judas McAbee( sp?), those reindeer songs and santa songs and some more songs with Jewish history.
Then after 6th grade, I moved to CA. And here I'll begin my discussion on the fairer sex. A couple of my buddie in New York used to say that the moving around that I did as a kid hurt my social skills, and it's probably true, but it happened and I should have dealt with it. So here I am in California in the 7th grade, knowing no one and no one knowing me. I get through 7th grade and 8th grade meeting you guys and enter 9th grade. Unknownst to you all, this entire time I was a chronic bed wetter ( dry all net now!!!!) who had to change his sheets every night. Of course, my evil parents would capitalize on that weakness and make me feel bad... Boo hoo.
Now in freshman year, what was it? I had an infatuation with person who loaned us the quote and I paraphrase here ( forgive me) "At I first thought I had to, Now I realize I must". It was quite an odd feeling I must say. I had Spanish and PE with her ( yes I still remember). And it was an unsettling feeling and upset of the stomach everytime I saw her. Spanish was made better simply on the basis that she was there. For a whole year, that lilting voice wrapped around me and ensnared me, I was unable to escape even at the very last day of school. Of coruse, knowing me, those emotions were never actualized into actions and I never hinted at anything otherwise.
Now comes sophomore year, and I did not have a single class with her and she disappeared for a year. And during sophomore year, there were no others who elicited an emotion anywhere near as visceral a way as she did. Now comes Junior year, and lo and behold, in the class I least expected, she shows up. And guess what, no gut response anymore. No upset stomach, no desire nothing. At first I thought it was weird, I mean, in Freshman year, I would have died a happy man to receive some gesture of mutual like, and now it was gone. I suppose it's weird but this opened a whole new dilemna for me. How much of that gut feeling was actual, taking the word in all its purity, love and how much of it was infatuation? How much of that were hormones bubbling and how much of that was a sense of a match made in the azure skies? This alone forced me to ponder what my feelings truly were. If I felt attracted to some girls, why? Of course I had no answer and for me, having no answer is tantamount to an immediate negative reaction in order to cover my ass. ( Do you know the answer of 2+2? NO! and I dont know what 1+1 is either). So instead, I decided to pursue the Path. The Path of Singleness for the rest of my days. And now the conclusion to this poorly structured, thematic roadkill, barely chronological, perhaps even minutely logical piece of writing to end with this conclusion. Girls are overrated. Swimming's better and better for the body.
Now to share with you all my findings
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/view/
Go there and have fun. Very informative stuff. See how the cool hunters dig up the trend setters and kill what's cool. YAY
Sigh* It seems like forever since I've had something to say and heck, it's been a while since I even bothered to read the entries. However, today, with the copious amounts of time I had since it was a hlf day, I decided to read through the archives, and one thing that I found highly amusing were the musings on the "fairer sex".
While Lucio's entry on the need for intimacy touched a few points, overall, I found myself in disagreement. It is just like the way my parents criticize me as ,"cold and inhuman". And I have to agree. I do suffer from this emotional constipation that just shoves aside and smothers my emotions. It has been a while since I've felt true anger, true joy, true depression and true compassion. When I argue with my parents, it feels like more a chore than a spontaneous conflagration of emotional highs. It comes to a point that when we're arguing, I start drifting off with no attention paid despite the ear shattering decibels with which my mother berates me with. I start thinking of the patterns on the stucco wall and shift the focus of my eyes so what looks like the continent of America suddenly resembles a dog taking a piss on hydrant next to the blob.
Anyways, back to the subject of the fairer sex. I suppose now's a better time than anytime to start my story, beginning with piecemeal memories as a child and progressing to the blended days of youth and the emptiness of the present. And as all good stories go, I shall begin at the beginning. I was born in the winter month of December on the 22nd of 1987, of course I had no memories of my New York home. Flashforward perhaps two years and I remember my first Halloween celebration in Hong Kong. There was free Haagen Daaz ice cream.
Then again another memory, this time in Singapore when I was in the first grade. I think I was in phys ed and the teacher was talking and I pissed my pants. It was an odd odd feeling, very odd. First time I ever pissed my pants in front of the class, last time too. I even remember telling the teach that I just couldn't hold it anymore. One thing to be clear though at this time was that I was a popular kid ( oooooOOOooooo) or at least I think I was and I had fun. Now comes the really interesting portion of these Singaporean memories, there was this one girl who was just absolutely gorgeous ( keep in mind that this was in 2nd? 3rd? grade) and I think I said I wanted to kiss her. How odd. Now in third grade, I had this horrible chinese teacher, and I was the General of the resistance. Sitting in the back of the class, I would sneak out with two or three others in the middle of the lecture to go drink from the water fountion. ( He would never let us go, so this was the ultimate form of fighting back). He caught us once and disciplined us( you know, the traditional asian discipline, pull the kid up by the hari, make them pull their ears down, forc'em to sit in the horse stance, caning, all the good stuff) and the next day I put a tack on his chair. He sat on it and I got caught... How? I started laughing
Then came the day I transferred schools and it was never quite the same. I moved to a "better" school. ( this reminds me, I gotta show you guys this movie " I not stupid" which pretty much captures school life in Singapore) There I had grades and stuff but was already on the path to becoming a single person. Everyone was well established there with one another and there was just no room for me to fit in.
Of course, knowing my luck, after fourth grade I moved to Queens, New York in a rather Jewish neighborhood. There was a Kosher burger place, a kosher pizza place, a kosher convenience store, a kosher hair cutting place with a mural of moses and the Ten Commandments on the side as well as a Jewish school not too far away. The school was next to a cemetery. As I'm fond of saying, I learnt nothing in both 5th and 6th grade. It was more a daycare for preadolescents than a school. WE had these packets every month with 20 some odd activities ranging from ( decorate a turkey card in November) to write a poem about the color yellow ( October) to use these vocabulary words in a story. Since this was generally not fun, I became the back stage person for the school. It's surprising how a lower class public school in the middle of Queens has a better auditorium than the one we have ( Koffman doesnt count) and I would play the tapes for the kindergarten kids on rainy days and run the sound systems for the musicals. Best thing about it was that we used wireless back then already. There'd also be choruses and songs for the holidays, we sang weird songs like Judas McAbee( sp?), those reindeer songs and santa songs and some more songs with Jewish history.
Then after 6th grade, I moved to CA. And here I'll begin my discussion on the fairer sex. A couple of my buddie in New York used to say that the moving around that I did as a kid hurt my social skills, and it's probably true, but it happened and I should have dealt with it. So here I am in California in the 7th grade, knowing no one and no one knowing me. I get through 7th grade and 8th grade meeting you guys and enter 9th grade. Unknownst to you all, this entire time I was a chronic bed wetter ( dry all net now!!!!) who had to change his sheets every night. Of course, my evil parents would capitalize on that weakness and make me feel bad... Boo hoo.
Now in freshman year, what was it? I had an infatuation with person who loaned us the quote and I paraphrase here ( forgive me) "At I first thought I had to, Now I realize I must". It was quite an odd feeling I must say. I had Spanish and PE with her ( yes I still remember). And it was an unsettling feeling and upset of the stomach everytime I saw her. Spanish was made better simply on the basis that she was there. For a whole year, that lilting voice wrapped around me and ensnared me, I was unable to escape even at the very last day of school. Of coruse, knowing me, those emotions were never actualized into actions and I never hinted at anything otherwise.
Now comes sophomore year, and I did not have a single class with her and she disappeared for a year. And during sophomore year, there were no others who elicited an emotion anywhere near as visceral a way as she did. Now comes Junior year, and lo and behold, in the class I least expected, she shows up. And guess what, no gut response anymore. No upset stomach, no desire nothing. At first I thought it was weird, I mean, in Freshman year, I would have died a happy man to receive some gesture of mutual like, and now it was gone. I suppose it's weird but this opened a whole new dilemna for me. How much of that gut feeling was actual, taking the word in all its purity, love and how much of it was infatuation? How much of that were hormones bubbling and how much of that was a sense of a match made in the azure skies? This alone forced me to ponder what my feelings truly were. If I felt attracted to some girls, why? Of course I had no answer and for me, having no answer is tantamount to an immediate negative reaction in order to cover my ass. ( Do you know the answer of 2+2? NO! and I dont know what 1+1 is either). So instead, I decided to pursue the Path. The Path of Singleness for the rest of my days. And now the conclusion to this poorly structured, thematic roadkill, barely chronological, perhaps even minutely logical piece of writing to end with this conclusion. Girls are overrated. Swimming's better and better for the body.
Now to share with you all my findings
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/view/
Go there and have fun. Very informative stuff. See how the cool hunters dig up the trend setters and kill what's cool. YAY
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