Jesus Christ AGAIN

Wow Lucio, I just read your article. I feel the same way about EVERYTHING. Dalder dropped out of school, and while I don't think my bond with him is as close as yours and Drew's, he's like a brother to me. I've known him since forever, and the fact that he's pretty much dropped off the face of the earth scares me on two basises (basi?): first, the obvious what does the future hold worry and two: am I the only one who cares? His parents are so unattached to him, I'm positive you would be shocked (Lucio). Like I said, Dalder isn't my soulmate (In any sense of the word), but we are like THIS son (sic). I feel the same about the female of the species as well. They say you like a woman for her qualities, and love her for her faults, but I guess that doesn't go both ways, as (at least I think) I have plenty of both. I can't stand the double role women have to naturally portray, even though I know it isn't their fault. I take relationships very seriously (I don't think this comes as a surprise), and the idea of a fling is not only unfathomable, but offensive to me. But how will that ever happen? I haven't known anyone since whenever, who I can relate whatever to (that's female, at least). How the Hell am I going to find anyone? AM I going to find anyone? Is there even anyone out there for me? Going to a school like Island (where the work is nonexistant), this is pretty much all I think about all day. I sit in my own little box, daydreaming about what life could be like if I were different, if things were different. Sometimes it's Rebecca, and she tells me all this stuff about how she loved me back, and then my life would be complete. Sometimes it was just some stranger I walked by on the street, because at that point I just didn't care. This is all I think about all day, what if life were different? What if I could just make my dreams come true? What if I could push away the pain and sink into bliss? But reality is much colder than that. I just want someone I can love, someone who will love me back, but I feel as though I'm alone in this wish. It's very isolating. My dad left too (or rather, my mom threw him out), and even being around him I realize I don't know him. I don't know the situation with your dad like I know mine, but if they are anything alike, even knowing him you wouldn't really know him. I can stare at my father and not recognize him. We bear no resemblences outside of gender. What is it like growing up without a father? Well, for those of you who don't know, just look to me and Lucio. I'm not sure that I'm as expressive or eloquent (as much as I like to type, to go to the levels he goes to is still a little fearsome for me), but I know for a fact that you become a more emotional individual. Something about being raised around women makes me not want to hide my feelings. I've always thought not expressing how you feel in some way is poisonous. But I digress. I just wish there was some light at the end of the tunnel for...both of us really. Some kind assurance that if we hang on, we'll finally come out of that forest and the sun will reach our eyes at last. I want that feeling of joy, exuberance, of being able to say hey, this was worth it, Goddamnit, and I'm glad I've finally seen the light.